Then, this week's Lying in the Gutters struck:
Warren Ellis would like me to tell people that he's not the writer of the upcoming Thor comic. He's been there, done that, either doesn't want to or hasn't been asked. So leave the poor man alone to write more "NextWave", "newuniversal" or his Icon project that Marvel are eeking out.
Anyway, he can't be writing Thor. Joe Michael Straczynski is.
Well, crap. Not only does this mean that J. Michael Straczynski will be bringing his wonderful combination of "destiny/oodles of convoluted, out-of-place mysticism" and "complete lack of understanding for the characters" to the Thunder God, but it also means that he's writing monthly books for three of the icons of the Marvel Universe (Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, and Thor, for those keeping score at home). Give him an X-Men title and Captain America, and he'll have the quintfecta.
Now, I might be jumping the gun here. After all, Thor's a god, he's always been embroiled in mysticism of one sort or another, and his personality is pretty simple when it comes right down to it. Maybe Straczynski will be a perfect hit for it, bringing the blend of thoughtful characterization, magic, and science fiction that worked so well on Babylon 5 to the pages of The Mighty Thor. Maybe it'll be like the early days of his Spider-Man run, where the characters were well done and the mysticism was downplayed, and Spidey wasn't running around fighting gods and eating heads every other month.
But I, and my wallet, doubt it. Mr. Straczynski used up any goodwill he earned with crap like "Sins Past" and "The Other." Marvel really ought to get some new blood, instead of letting every major book fall under the distinction of a Bendis, an Ellis, a Millar, or a Straczynski. I bet Dan Slott or Robert Kirkman could do a great Thor book.
Edit: In that same article is the phrase "The Melty Man Cometh," a reference to Coupling, one of the finest shows ever to make it from the BBC to my retinas. Fantastic series...wish I could afford to pick it up.
How long before the story arc that Thor's creation was actually the culmination of a vast master plan to save the universe, a secret plan of unknown gods greater than Odin?
Zorak the Mighty Uber-God tells Thor, "Had we left you alone, you would have been God of Comfortable Footwear. We needed a champion to defeat the Googly-Katal, and thus were you chosen to be God of Thunder..."
I give it six months.
Ten bucks said Surtur got Sif pregnant.
I do remember a few years back how Marvel put out a contest to write for either Wolverine or Thor, the winner would be given a shot at the book.
Which brings me to my point: ANYONE but Straczynski. Thank you.
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