Dishonorable Mention: This one.
5. "Superman (It's Not Easy)" by Five for Fighting: I wanted to like this song, I really did. It's not even particularly bad; it's just not Superman. It gets a lot of the broad strokes right, referencing the costume, the powers, the backstory, even the catchphrases. But it's just so morose. This is a depressed, lonely Superman, feeling like an outcast without a home, set apart by his powers. In other words, it's perfect for Smallville; the tone of the song and the tone of the show (Clark in particular) are a fantastic match. But for mainstream Superman, this just sounds so far off the mark.
4. "Superman's Song" by Crash Test Dummies:
I wanted to like this song, too. The first time I heard of it was in the "Newstime" special edition magazine that was released around the time of Superman's death. The lead singer of the Crash Test Dummies was interviewed in the in-universe magazine, and talked a bit about the song, specifically how Solomon Grundy was chosen as the villain because his last name rhymed with "money." That kind of sets the stage for the rest of the song, in which Superman is contrasted with Tarzan, admired for having a straight job, and eulogized in droning monotone. I'm pretty sure that Brad Roberts' voice is about an octave above the brown note, and listening to this song may interfere with your brainwave patterns. In 1993, this would have been at the top of the list. Sadly, fifteen years on, it's not even a contender for first.
3. "Superman" by Eminem (Not Safe For
2. "Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down: I'll be honest here, I hate this song with a passion. Part of it is that it has absolutely nothing to do with Superman--words like "Superman" and "Kryptonite" are dropped in as near-non sequiturs. Part of it is that it's just freaking stupid. It's the kind of unlistenable, wannabe-Nickelback/Creed/Puddle of Mudd/Pearl Jam quasi-grunge garbage that has masqueraded as "rock" for years now. And it was a hit, playing on every damn radio station with an "alternative" or "modern" bent in heavy rotation. It was hard enough to be a Superman fan in the early 2000s, what with "Our Worlds at War" and Joe Casey and whatnot. "Kryptonite" made it downright painful. One of the great redeeming qualities of "Superman (It's Not Easy)" is the line "I'm not crazy, or anything," a bit of a take that at this dreck.
1. "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" by Soulja Boy:
To be fair, this song is in the running for "worst song ever," not just the worst one involving Superman. It's repetitive, it's nonsensical, it's about ill-defined dance moves, and it references Robocop and Super-Soakers. If it weren't so over-the-top in its awfulness, it might be awesome. Instead, it seems that the experimental attempt to use "Superman" as a verb is a musical failure.