Bat-Month: "Hi Diddle Riddle"/"Smack in the Middle"

I've always loved the Riddler, and I've very rarely seen a version that I didn't like¹. I don't care for the design of the Riddler on "The Batman," but I've never watched enough of that series to know if I like the portrayal. But outside of that, I like the "private investigator" version of the character in the current comics, I generally liked the character even in "Hush," I loved solving his puzzles in "Batman: Arkham Asylum," and I'm not sure there's ever been a better Riddler story than "If You're So Smart, Why Aren't You Rich?"

So it's interesting to take a look back at Frank Gorshin's version of the character, who made "The Riddler" a household name, and "riddle me this" a common phrase. "Hi Diddle Riddle" and "Smack in the Middle" are the first two episodes of "Batman" '66, and there's really something to love in a Batman series that begins with a Riddler story.

The episode begins with a scene at the Gotham City World's Fair, where the Moldavian Prime Minister is about to unveil his country's greatest national treasure. Before he does that, though, he has to cut the traditional Moldavian friendship cake, which explodes. As the crowd panics, a police officer points to something that shot out of the cake and is now floating to the ground on a parachute.

We cut to Commissioner Gordon reading the para-riddle:

Why is an orange like a bell?

Which leads to what is, by now, a familiar scene: the Gotham City Police Department shamefacedly admitting total inability to solve children's puzzles and stop a criminal whose greatest weapon is a bowler hat, and turning toward the bright red phone under a serving dome that really only slows down the process.

Alfred answers the phone and goes to retrieve Bruce. Commissioner Gordon looks up from the phone and says, "We're in luck: he's at home." How many unfettered sprees have occurred while Batman was out getting groceries?

Anyway, this actually leads to a very unfamiliar scene in this series: Bruce Wayne speaking before a group of people, pledging his financial support for their enterprise. His reason:

Perhaps if there'd been anti-crime centers of the type you now propose when my own parents were murdered by dastardly criminals...

It's one of very few callbacks to Batman's origin in this series, which is somewhat unsurprising given how dissonant that is with the lighthearted nature of the show. I admit, it's difficult to reconcile the modern Batman, whose persona clearly comes out of the Crime Alley tragedy, with this version, who takes time out of crimefighting to properly parallel park, but it's interesting to see that the origin wasn't excised (or ignored) entirely. Robin, on the other hand...

Bruce gives the excuse of taking Dick fishing, and I know it's not the only time he's used that same excuse in the half dozen or so stories I've recently watched. What does he say in the Winter? Ice fishing?

"Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed..." yeah, it does give me a little geek thrill to hear that.

Perhaps the other half of the homophone was more well-known in 1966, but I still think the answer to the Joker's riddle could have used more explanation; it makes more sense in writing than it does out loud:

Batman: Why is an orange like a bell?

Robin: Answer: because they both must be peeled!

Batman: Right, you peel an orange and you peal a bell! Get it?

Sure, Batman, I get it, but I have a relatively large vocabulary.

Chief O'Hara: What idiots we are! Now, why couldn't we have worked that out?

Gee, Chief, it might be because you immediately gave up and called Batman, rather than even considering answers to the riddle.

Batman and Robin discuss the Riddler's modus operandi, explaining that he leaves confounding clues that may or may not direct them to the real crime, leading to this gem of a simile:

Batman: The Riddler contrives his plots like artichokes:

This screenshot is from the moment after he says "artichokes": it looks to me like Commissioner Gordon (in the back) is as shocked and confused at the comment as I am. Do tell, Batman:

You have to strip off spiny leaves to reach the heart.

Oh...okay. Batman's rambling eventually leads him to realize that the Riddler's target is the Peale Art Gallery--next to, I assume, the Steede Museum--but suspecting some trickery, he tells the cops to stay put while he and Robin mount their investigation. Upon arriving at the Gallery, Batman lets loose with this line that sounds like it's half-Middleman and half-fodder for Ambiguously Gay Duo jokes:

Batman: Let's mosey up the back way.

There are a couple of things I like about the Batmobile Phone. First, it reminds me of the old car phone my family used to have, which was bulky and unwieldy and corded. Second, I like that it's shaped like a bat, but the Bat-Phone isn't. Given that the Bat-Phone sits out in Bruce Wayne's sitting room, this demonstrates an uncharacteristic amount of subtlety and attempt to conceal his secret identity. I mean, sure he's got a translucent red telephone in his sitting room that looks identical to the one the police use to call Batman, but at least it isn't bat-shaped.

The sign on the wall behind the Bat-Poles more than makes up for that subtlety, though:

I mean, I understand labeling the poles themselves (making that mistake would be disastrous for all involved), but who is that sign for? Are Bruce and Dick afraid that they're going to forget what's at the bottom of the poles?

The phone call is from the Riddler--or rather, a recording of the Riddler²--giving them another riddle to solve:

Before you trip over your cape, Batman, riddle me this: There are three men in a boat with four cigarettes but no matches. How do they manage to smoke?

Rather than solving the riddle, they decide to scale the building so as to ambush him. Robin is struggling to figure out the Riddle, and Batman suggests that it's because his mind's preoccupied with "that cute little teenager who waved to you on the way across town." I like that kind of good-natured ribbing between the Dynamic Duo; it's another instance of this series sneaking in a bit of character depth even when you wouldn't expect it.

Climbing up to a barred window, they find this scene--and doesn't the Riddler look dashing?

Seriously, that's a nice outfit, especially for a 1960s supervillain.

Batman cuts through the bars with some kind of laser torch, and then the duo crashes through the window to ambush the Riddler. They place him under arrest for armed robbery (as duly deputized officers of the law), at which point two goons come out and take a picture of the scene. The Riddler starts giggling and says he even tipped them off. Then, the curator chimes in:

Mr. Peale: Batman, you've made a mistake: He didn't steal that cross.

Robin: What?!

Curator:I tell you, it belongs to him! He lent it to me for a show!

Batman isn't quite convinced, noting that he saw Peale being held at gunpoint. The Riddler then demonstrates that the gun isn't a gun at all:

Robin: Holy ashtray, he did tip us off! There were three men in a boat with four cigarettes and no matches. How did they manage to smoke? They threw one cigarette overboard and made the boat a cigarette lighter!

I like that one, but then I'm a fan of puns.

Mr. Peale explains that Batman and Robin saw Riddler lighting his cigarette while Peale gave him back the cross. It's a contrived set of circumstances, but then again, this is the Riddler we're talking about. He foresaw Batman's blunder, which is why he brought witnesses with cameras. He then poses this brilliant riddle:

Riddler: Ho ho! What is it that no man wants to have, yet no man wants to lose?

Robin: A lawsuit!

Riddler: Correct, Boy Wonder!

Dare I say it? Yes, I dare:

Batman got served!

After the break, we find Bruce, Dick, and Alfred watching the news report, which addresses in somber tones the prospect that Batman and Robin will almost certainly have to unmask in court, thereby ending their crimefighting careers.

Bruce says here that he's been through all his father's old law books, which suggests that Thomas was a lawyer in this continuity, or perhaps some sort of polymath. He doesn't think they have a leg to stand on. Alfred, always one to find the dark cloud behind every silver lining, brings up the point that things will not be pleasant once Aunt Harriet finds out what Bruce and Dick have really been doing on their "fishing trips." This is a good point, though a sad one: given her comments and behavior, I wouldn't be surprised to see Aunt Harriet press charges for endangering a minor. Bruce could end up sued and imprisoned all in one fell swoop.

There is an awkward and somber silence for a moment, until Dick takes a look at the lawsuit itself. He remembers what the Riddler said when he handed it to them:

When you've chewed over this one, look for two others.

He and Bruce reason that he meant two other riddles, which must be on the legal document. They look at it with some blinking lights and what looks like a shiny rotary sander:

And discover riddles written between the lines. Curse those lawyers and their fine print!

Batman: When is the time of a clock like the whistle of a train?

Robin: When it's two to two--toot too tooo!

Sure, they explain that one with Robin making train noises, but they leave the "peal" one up to the viewer to make sense of.

Batman: What has neither flesh, bone, nor nail, but has four fingers and a thumb?

Robin: A glove, of course!

This leads them to an address: 222 Glover Avenue.

We cut to the underground subway lair of the Mole Hill Mob, where Jill St. John is eating caviar out of a jar³. One of the wiseguy gangsters tells her not to, because the caviar's full of calories and she'll blow up like a balloon. Good to see such equality among the criminal set. Quickly, the Riddler comes bounding down the stairs in a much less dashing outfit, proclaiming that Batman's had time to solve the riddle.

Now seems like as good a time as any to digress a moment. This story, like the Penguin one that follows it, shows the villains to be particularly brilliant by having them use Batman's own traits against him. The Penguin played on Batman's detective skills, knowing that he'd see connections and patterns where none existed. Here, the Riddler plays on Batman's overwhelming respect for the law, knowing that it trumps his need for secrecy. Riddler here even has the Duo down to a set pattern, knowing how long they typically need to find and solve his clues. What this does, compared to Batman's own methods of detection and deduction, is set the rogues up as his intellectual equals, just as able to deduce things about his life and find patterns in his methods as he does with theirs. This is, rather sadly, often missing in the modern Batman stories.

The Riddler and his Mob head through the tunnels, presumably to Glover Avenue. Meanwhile, the Batmobile speeds down the street to the address--the new discotheque, What A Way to Go-Go. Suspecting a plot to rob the wealthy patrons, they start to head inside, but the doorman says that Robin is underage. Batman's response? You guessed it: "It's the law." While he suspects that this may be a plot to separate them, the law trumps safety. Besides, Robin says he can take care of himself. Batman here takes Lawful Good to new extremes.

Incidentally, while Robin's too young to go into the club, he's old enough to drive the Batmobile:

He parks so he can watch the Bat-scope. What's he watching, you ask?

Typical teenager.

Batman looks really out of place inside the club, while Jill St. John (her character still hasn't gotten a name) watches him from the bar.

He orders a large fresh orange juice at the bar⁴, and Jill asks him a riddle:

Jill: Why is a quarrel like a bargain?

Batman: Well well, what master taught you to riddle?

Jill: The answer is it takes two to make it. Like beautiful music, like the dance...shall we?

Batman's OJ arrives, and we get this stunning exchange:

Batman: What's your name?

Jill: Molly [finally, a name!]

Batman: You interest me...strangely.

Bats, you're making it very difficult for me to avoid the gay jokes.

Batman and Molly dance, and you know what's coming next:

THE BATUSI!

Things start to go blurry for the Bat, and he realizes his drink was drugged. Robin sees him collapse on the Bat-Scope, but before he can get out of the car, he's shot with a hypodermic dart by the Riddler. Molly and the bartender head down the manhole back to their lair, while the Riddler accidentally triggers the Batmobile's anti-theft device--which is a bit of ingenuity cribbed straight from the Evil Overlord List:


Since he can't steal the car, he kidnaps Robin and throws a small bomb into the car to burn it up. This triggers naturally, the Batostat anti-fire device, which puts out the flame⁵. Cursing the car, Riddler escapes with his gang, Robin in tow. Batman rushes out of the club to the car, to go after Robin. The police officers won't let him out of the parking spot, though:

Officer: Hand me the key, Batman. I'm afraid you're in no condition to drive.

Batman: Yes, of course officer, you're entirely correct.

Again, the Riddler plays on Batman's adherence to the law to ensure that he won't be followed, even though he could neither steal nor destroy the car. Also, this scene is pure awesome.

Back at the Riddler's lair, Robin is trapped, unconscious, with his head in a vise. Naturally, it's on this cliffhanger that the episode ends, with a teaser for part two:

I'm a little curious here why the Riddler would even bother with the kidnapping scheme, as it would seem to undermine his ability to file the lawsuit. I would think that the best course of action would be to let the legal process do its work, rather than engaging in typical supervillainy. Then again, I don't have a compulsion to commit criminal acts and leave cryptic clues behind for the heroes to solve, so what do I know?

Either way, it's an excellent example of the core problem of Bat-villains: they may be Batman's intellectual equals, but their criminal compulsions consistently cause their capture.

Episode two begins with dawn at stately Wayne Manor, where Batman is in the Batcave (presumably having been up all night) telling Robin through some communicator to turn on his homing device. I have to imagine it's been awhile since we last saw the Boy Wonder, and Riddler was tightening that vise pretty quickly. On the other hand, it has to be pretty tough to crush someone's skull with a vise, maybe he gave up and decided to do something more practical.

Alfred calls from upstairs, saying that Miss Cooper noticed their beds hadn't been slept in, and was quite upset. Batman says to tell her that he and Dick are spending the night at his uncle's house. One problem, Bruce: if you had an uncle, why were you raised by your butler?

At the Riddler's hideout, Riddler and Molly pull a plaster cast off of Robin's face. Oh, I see, the vise was just to hold him still. While she goes off to get into costume, Riddler wakes Robin up (with an aerosol spray, thereby contributing to the hole in the ozone layer, that dastardly ghoul!):

Robin: Where am I? Where's...Riddler! You fiend! What's the meaning of this? Where's Batman?

Riddler: Hanging.

Robin: What?!

Riddler: Hanging by his phone, I hope. Call him. Get him through police headquarters on that famous hot-line: I wish to pose him another amusing problem.

Robin: You've flipped your lid. You think I'm going to help you in some rotten criminal scheme?

Riddler (laughing): You're scared! You're really scared that I'll outwit your Batman yet again, all right!

Robin: It'll be a cold day in August before we're scared of you, Riddler! Gimme that telephone!

And thus the Boy Wonder falls prey to the Riddler's tricky reverse psychology, calling Commissioner Gordon just as he was told to do. Gordon gets the call plugged into the Bat-line, and tells the operator to trace and record it. Batman answers the phone, which Riddler grabs rather quickly:

Riddler: Riddle me twice, Batman: What kind of pins are used in soup?

Robin: Terrapins, Batman!

Batman: Right!

Riddler: Very good. What was Joan of Arc made of⁶?

Robin: Joan of Arc was...

Batman: Maid of Orleans!

Riddler: That's where you'll find him. Happy hunting.

Robin tries to warn Batman that it sounds too easy, but Riddler gasses him unconscious again. Batman deduces the location--the old turtle mill at Orleans Cove--and speeds off in the Batmobile.

Meanwhile, Molly walks in, with the image that spawned a thousand fetishes and "sexy" DC Halloween costumes:

Somehow, by application of a rubber mask, that turns into this:

Batman drives recklessly to Orleans Cove (seriously, he's all over the road--I guess those laws don't matter), while Molly activates the homing beacon in Robin's belt. Batman chases after the Riddler's car, knocking out the ignition with headlight-mounted Bat-Rays. Riddler, of course, is prepared:

The car crashes, and Riddler runs for the hills, while Batman pulls up to find Robin, thrown from the wreckage and clutching at his throat. Batman understands that there's something wrong with his vocal cords, then takes Robin back to the Batcave, where he hopes to retrieve the universal drug antidote⁷.

Molly quickly shows her true colors.

Batman: Well Molly, I was wondering when you'd get around to that.

Molly: What?! You mean you saw through my disguise?

Batman: A criminal always makes one mistake, Molly. Those straws you gave Robin to breathe through? I spotted the defect in the mask instantly. That was the one hole in your plan.

Molly: There's gonna be some holes in you, Batman.

She pulls the trigger, but nothing happens. Batman informs her that he burned off the revolver's firing pin in the Batmobile with a hidden "Bat-Layzar beam." And yes, he pronounces it "lay-zar."

Molly throws the gun⁸ and runs away, climbing what appears to be a TARDIS console or warp core in the back of the cave:

Batman warns her to stop, that she's climbing into the Batmobile's nuclear power source. She looks down into the reactor and screams for help, while Batman pulls out a Batarang (or as it's spelled on his belt, Bat-A-Rang) to save her. He climbs up, but can't reach her. She slips, falling to her death in the nuclear reactor. Batman is dismayed:

Batman: Poor deluded girl; if only she'd've let me save her.

Then, he's a dick.

Batman: What a terrible way to go-go.

Oh Batman, you and your incredibly inappropriate gallows humor.

At police headquarters, Batman, Gordon, and O'Hara analyze the tape of Robin's phone call. It cut off before they could get a trace, and O'Hara notes what a bad recording it is, due to all the rumbling noises. Batman notes that the noises are actually helpful (which comes as a surprise to the totally useless police officers, who have apparently never thought to listen to the background noise of an emergency call), and explains that they're subway trains. Batman asks for a timing on the tape and a subway schedule, which he plugs into the Batmobile's mobile crime computer. The computer spits out a paritcular platform, which is apparently located next to the entrance to CONTROL:

Using what appears to be a set of Bat-plastic explosives, Batman breaks into the Riddler's lair, where he snares the fiend in a Batrope. But the Riddler is still several steps ahead, separating himself from Batman and Robin with a sheet of bulletproof glass. He then proceeds to taunt the Bat:

Batman releases Robin, who explains that, by playing possum, he was able to listen in on the Riddler's big plan--and his new riddles:

Robin: How many sides has a circle? Answer: two--inside and outside, right?

Batman: Right!

Robin: Here's the second one: what President of the United States wore the biggest hat? It's easy, Batman: the one with the biggest head!

With these clues, they are able to deduce that the Riddler is going to the head office of the Gotham National Bank, where he's going to take the money from the inside to the outside.

Narration informs us, however, that the Riddler and his gang are heading through the tunnels to the Moldavian pavilion at the Gotham City World's Fair, suggesting that Batman has goofed.

At said pavilion, the Prime Minister is showing off the Great Mammoth of Moldavia, which was found in ice and worshipped by his people. It's covered in various jewels, and stuffed entirely with used postage stamps from ancient Moldavia--"very cheap stuffing then, but now worth unspeakable fortune to stamp collectors." Um...yeah. This is strangely omitted from the Wikipedia entry on Moldavia

Underneath the pavilion, the Riddler's men are rigging up tanks of laughing gas--stealing the Joker's schtick!--presumably because Riddler's latest outfit isn't quite ridiculous enough:

Turquoise plaid and magenta accessories? Amazing.

Riddler breaks in (wearing an elephant-shaped gas mask), telling lame jokes to start everyone laughing until they're unconscious. He then signals his goons to break in, so they can steal the mammoth.

Suddenly, Batman and Robin burst forth from the creature! They sent the police to the bank as a ruse; Robin says he got the clues wrong, but Batman solved them.

Batman: The biggest head? The fabulous Mammoth of Moldavia, with jewels on the outside and priceless postage stamps inside.

Naturally, it's time for the fight scene, where Robin really takes it. First he's ambushed by three goons, then knocked for a loop by the Riddler. With Robin apparently out, the gang closes in on Batman, restraining him the same way. Robin breaks up the fray, allowing the Dynamic Duo to get the upper hand, but the Riddler escapes under the pavilion. Batman chases, Riddler shoots, and a laughing gas canister is punctured. Batman warns that if the gas ignites, it'll blow him to kingdom come. Batman climbs back out, just in time to avoid a huge explosion of colored smoke.

Back at Wayne Manor, Alfred shares the news from the wireless regarding the Riddler's lawsuit: apparently it was dismissed because the plaintiff failed to appear. Dick is oddly happy about the prospect of having killed the Riddler in an explosion, but Bruce reminds him that the police never found a body, so maybe he escaped. The scene at the end here is actually really good, so rather than quote it, I'll let you watch it:

I'm glad that was on YouTube, because I don't have access to any video editing software at the moment.

Overall, I really like this story. There's a lot of heart to it, with the Molly subplot, and the Riddler's plan is a great example of the way brilliance can be led astray by delusion and compulsion.

I compared these episodes to the Penguin story that followed, and I think they both do a great job of subverting common superhero storytelling tropes. The villains undermine Batman by using his own skills and compulsions against him, and that's a depth of storytelling that no one seems to give this series credit for. The real danger comes from doing this as a first episode. Subverting tropes and upending clichés is great, but the effect is lost if the audience isn't familiar with the tropes and clichés in the first place. It's like watching "Shrek" without ever having heard a fairy tale.

"Star Trek: The Next Generation" made that mistake with their second episode, "The Naked Now." A direct homage/ripoff of the Original Series episode "The Naked Time," the episode featured the crew acting uninhibited and out of character. Such episodes are often great ways to explore the characters' personalities and shock the audience with familiar people doing unexpected things. Unfortunately, the episode lost any impact it might have had because we'd only had one story to establish what "in-character" was.

These "Batman" episodes work in a way that "The Naked Now" didn't, but I'm quite familiar with the superhero tropes they're subverting; would the average audience member in 1966 have been as familiar?

It's possible that they would have. After all, "The Adventures of Superman"--which would have had such tropes--ended only eight years before, and the comic book market was much larger then. Still, it seems like it'd be prudent to start the series by establishing the tropes and then working to turn them on their heads.

As a final note, Gorshin's Riddler is fantastic. I was a little worried that his manic portrayal and high-pitched giggling would rub me the wrong way with the character, but the writing made him out to be a mastermind, and his (surprisingly nuanced) acting sold the story. While he's often mocking Batman for falling into his numerous traps, there are some great moments where his voice drops an octave or two and he becomes fairly genuinely menacing. Heck, there's a shot or two where he looks like Hannibal Lecter. For all his bouncing and giggling, there are scenes where he serenely allows the pieces to fall into place, and his calmly triumphant expressions are perfect:

I'd like to say that Gorshin's Riddler influenced other portrayals of the character--it probably did; his suit-and-bowler from early in the episode was definitely the genesis of the B:TAS version's costume--but more than that, I think Gorshin has influenced portrayals of the Joker. I can't help but see parallels to Mark Hamill in Gorshin's acting.

So there you have it, another surprisingly excellent installment of "Batman." I'm enjoying this series so much, I may have to continue it...

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1. By "rarely," I mean "Jim Carrey."

2. Holy telemarketing, Batman!

3. The jar, incidentally, formerly contained moonbeams.

4. I like this, just because it has interesting resonance for the World's Finest team. Batman orders orange juice at the bar, but Superman (typically) orders milk. And I don't know about you, but milk and orange juice aren't tastes that go particularly well together, even though they both quench your thirst at breakfast.

5. In the future, Batman would avoid these problems by not driving a convertible.

6. Surprisingly enough, the answer is not "wood." Though I have it on very good authority that she weighed the same as a duck.

7. I leave it to you, readers: is withholding that formula from the public an act of Bat-uselessness, or Bat-evil?

8. Who does she think she's fighting? Superman?

Short bites

As you might have guessed, I've spent the last several weeks in a cave. A Batcave, specifically. I bought Batman: Arkham Asylum the day it was released, and playing it has taken up the vast majority of my free time...and a little of the time that I should have been spending working or sleeping. I started a review, but every time I sit down, I'm forced to choose between blogging and playing the absolute best superhero game I've ever played. But nonetheless, now that I've finally solved all the Riddles and whatnot, I plan on finishing up that review.

Working has assimilated much more of my time than I'd like, in large part because I'm not nearly as organized as I ought to be. The next several hours will see a marathon of organizing and working, as I try to get my head above water. In the meantime, here are some brief thoughts on the news that's happened since I last blogged:

• On the Disney/Marvel buyout: I thought this was shocking at the time, but it makes a great deal of sense, what with Warner/DC having been the status quo for as long as I can remember. Now Dreamworks just needs to buy Image, and Paramount can pick up IDW. I imagine that Lucasfilm and the Hellboy films' Columbia/TriStar can fight over Dark Horse. I really hope this means that Marvel's going to finally have some decent animated material--besides Spectacular Spider-Man, which is great. Also, I'm looking forward to "Kim Possible: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D." You know you want it.
  
• On DC Entertainment: I'm bugged by Levitz's departure at the top, and I'm curious how this will effect the company. I dig Levitz a lot, and I hope that leaving the position will improve his ability to write, because the last couple of things I read from him weren't great. I also hope this means that Warner will be taking DC properties more seriously; I love the Batman films, and unlike most I loved Superman Returns, and I'm looking forward to Green Lantern, but DC's lagging quite a bit in the film department. I love Batman: Brave and the Bold and the straight-to-DVD movies, but I think the market can handle other DC characters on the small screen as well. I'm a bit dismayed by the lack of a new Superman film on the horizon, but I guess I'm lucky in that I still have a recent one to watch. Repeatedly. With enjoyment.
  
• The new Justice League line-up has me conflicted. If you'd told me a year ago that James Robinson would be writing a Justice League featuring Mon-El, I would have drooled all over my comic stack. Today, though, I'm terribly conflicted. JLofA limped along at the end to something vaguely resembling a conclusion, and I feel bad that Dwayne McDuffie got screwed over so royally on that title. The current miniseries doesn't appeal to me in the least bit, and from what I'm hearing, I'm better off not buying it. I haven't been really bothered by Robinson's work in the Superman titles, but his book has clearly been the weakest of the bunch--again, unfortunate, because I've loved Mon-El since I was a kid, and I dig Guardian as well. At least Steel got some time to shine recently, which is good, but then there was that Mon-El spotlight issue which felt like lots of great ideas that should be expanded upon. I like Mark Bagley, I like Mon-El, but I don't like the prospect of reading a Justice League book about heroes with stilted dialogue who have a gray sense of morality and spend most of their time agonizing over philosophical dilemmas. I read Brad Meltzer's JLA already, thanks.
  
• I'm looking forward to Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2, and I hope it's as good as the first one. I would have bought it already, but I'm budgeting my game purchases, and Beatles: Rock Band was the more important purchase this month.
  
• I read 52 every week. It was one of the first books I picked up in a given stack. I read Countdown for a few issues, before dropping it unmercifully. I read Trinity for a couple of months, and bought the rest of the series out of habit and hope--but I haven't gotten to read past the single-digit issues yet. I've read most of Wednesday Comics #1. I think I might wait for the trade on the next weekly comic.
  
• I feel really bad about letting the SilverHawks Sundays lapse for so long, and even worse about letting Trek Tuesdays die on the vine. Especially since I recently watched Star Trek: Insurrection for the first time in a decade or so, and enjoyed it a lot more than when I was in high school.
  
• Speaking of Trek, why can't I find the Motion Picture 2-disc edition for a decent price? I've managed to pick up every other worthwhile Trek movie (2-9, which admittedly includes ones that aren't worthwhile, but doesn't include the worthless one) for between $5 and $14 each, but the cheapest copy of TMP on Amazon is $16 before shipping. Of all the Trek films, I thought only 5 would be cheaper than 1. I'm certainly not going to pay more for the first flick than I did for Wrath of Khan, so I guess I'll keep borrowing my brother's copy for awhile longer.
  
• The new Batgirl costume is hideous. On the other hand, I'm really enjoying Batwoman's adventures in Detective Comics. Alice is a delightfully crazy villainess, and a nice addition to the Bat-Family's litany of Carroll-inspired rogues.
  
• I'm curious to see some of the less memorable superhero movies of the past. While it shouldn't be hard to get hold of Punisher: War Zone, I'm not sure how I might find the various awful Captain America flicks or Generation X or the Corman Fantastic Four outside of convention bootlegs. And while I've seen everything from the Star Wars Christmas Special to the complete series of Blake's 7 in comic convention bootleg booths, I've never seen even a single copy of the old Power Pack TV movie, which, as a Power Pack fan, I'm very curious to see. To summarize, where might I find these movies, and am I right in suspecting that the answer rhymes with "gorrents"?
  
• That's it for now! Onward, into the valley of my inbox...

Where Lots and Lots of People Have Gone Before

I'm going to begin with a disclaimer: I've been writing this review for weeks. It rambles and meanders, probably even more than most of my posts. It's also a large part of the reason for the low content mode of the last several weeks. I'll be glad to finally have it posted.

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It's been a very long time since I've considered myself a Trekkie or Trekker of any sort. I liked TNG and DS9, though the former had its share of terrible episodes seasons and I never saw the first few seasons of the latter because there was no UPN in my area. I remember being underwhelmed by "First Contact," though thinking back it seems the majority of my complaints were driven by nitpicky continuity geek stuff, so I should probably give it another shot. "Insurrection" was the last Trek movie I saw in theaters, and it was nothing more than a particularly pedestrian episode of Voyager stretched out over two boring hours. "Nemesis" was targ-dung, and I'm glad I didn't pay to see it on the big screen. I never really cared for Voyager, especially after it became "The Seven of Nine Show starring Reset Button;" I gave up on "Enterprise" after the first episode with its ridged Klingon forehead and its awful, awful theme song. Eventually, I started watching the series again (because my roommate talked me into it) and laughed and cried through the vast majority of season 3. The show whittled away at any remaining passion I had for Trek, until blue alien Nazis made me give up on the show, and Star Trek, for good.

And that included the most recent film. When I heard that Star Trek was going back to the prequel well again, even after the dismal failure of Enterprise*, I scoffed and cursed Berman and Braga, who had seemed to be doing their level best to run the series into and beneath the ground since the start of Voyager. I remember hearing vague rumors over the last couple of years about them doing Kirk and Spock at the Academy, which sounded pretty silly--but throw in Uhura and a talking Sehlat and have them form a band and travel around in their shuttlecraft solving space-mysteries, and I'm in for it.

Anyway, nothing made me even remotely interested in the new film until the trailers started coming out. I've generally liked J.J. Abrams, and while the trailers were cool, I was comfortable waiting for the DVD. Until the reviews started trickling in, and started suggesting that this would actually be a good Trek movie, which this universe has not seen in quite some time. I went to see it about as quickly as I could (a week or two after its opening), and again a week or so later. Needless to say, I liked it. I liked it quite a lot.

I think the thing I most liked about it was the way it focused around the characters, around building characterization for the main cast. The plot was peripheral, and I can see that as a complaint, but really, it's the same kind of space opera story that we've seen a thousand times: Big Bad with planet destroyer MacGuffin out for revenge against the protagonists. There are some wrinkles here and there, but the story was really just a vehicle for Kirk and Spock to become friends, given their similar-but-different pasts. It was a little too convenient that the characters would all end up together--and in command!--on their first mission aboard the Enterprise, and the Spock ex Machina planet was a little more convenient yet, and those are legitimate complaints--places where the plot actually felt like it was merely a vehicle to get the main characters where they needed to be. Even if it is (and most plots are, aren't they?) one goal of good writing should be to make the progression feel natural, and not like the audience is being led around by a ring through its collective nose.

I'm going to digress for a moment or two more on those complaints about the somewhat supplementary nature of the plot. They remind me of a tone-deaf review I read a few years back about the Justice League Unlimited episode "The Greatest Story Never Told." The conceit of the episode was that the big guns of the League were dealing with an attack by Mordru, leaving the less prominent members to deal with cleanup and crowd control. Booster Gold, our focal character, chafed under the apparent insignificance of the assignment. Ultimately, Booster gets the chance to be a real hero, even though his adventure goes unnoticed and unappreciated due to the larger battle going on around them. We only see and hear little bits of the fight with Mordru--Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman merged into a single entity, Elongated Man saving the day, and so forth. It's one of my favorite episodes, largely because it showcases the character work (and incredible writing, with some particularly good humor) that made the DCAU so wonderful, so beloved, and so enduring.

This reviewer disagreed, disliking Booster Gold for largely unstated reasons. He would much rather have seen the League's epic battle with Mordru, and seemed to think that the episode's title referred to that story. I have to wonder how anyone could miss the point so blatantly; we've seen the big guns of the League team up to battle apparently insurmountable odds and come out on top before. The first two seasons of Justice League are largely made up of episodes just like that, as are each of the season finales. Epic battles are a dime a dozen in superhero media; quirky stories that have a tight focus on character building for supporting cast members, not so much. Getting the battle in snippets and secondhand storytelling ultimately has the same effect as the old horror standby of never clearly showing the villain or monster. Just as the murder scene you fill in yourself is always more frightening than the one that's meticulously laid out on-screen, the battle you imagine that somehow leads to buildings coming to life and Elongated Man's stretchiness defeating Mordru is going to be far cooler than anything they could have reasonably depicted in 22 minutes. Such a battle, if it were the A-plot of the story, would have been a clichéd mishmash, pure eye candy, with no real room for characterization. It would have been the animated equivalent of a big crossover event, with all the depth and quality we usually associate with such stories.

Bringing that back to the point: we've seen plenty of flashy explosion-ridden epic battle space operas, even in the fairly recent past. In fact, I don't think it would be unfair to describe the last two or three Star Wars films as precisely that. Star Trek is clearly trying to set itself apart from that crowd by giving far more attention to the characters and their relationships than to the standard situations and technobabble that could be coming from any interchangeable cast of characters. I really liked that every main character got some time in the spotlight, and in particular got some character development. That's important, but often glossed over, with an ensemble cast, particularly one this large. As far as I'm concerned, Star Trek is at its best--in fact, it may be that it's only good--when it focuses on characters and relationships rather than technobabble and sci-fi space opera. That's one way in which it's also distancing itself from the last couple of Star Trek series and films, and even from the introductory installments of just about every Star Trek iteration. "Encounter at Farpoint" notwithstanding, it's worth mentioning that both Next Generation and the Star Trek film series began with stories written for previous series that just had the names changed. Abrams and Co. seem to be trying to get away from the sci-fi properties that are populated exclusively with two-dimensional archetypes.

Which isn't to say that it's completely unlike either the older series--or Star Wars for that matter. One of the major themes of the film is how tragedies change and affect people. The destruction of Romulus turns Nero from a common miner into a single-minded vengeance-driven terrorist**. Losing his father turns Kirk into a brash and rebellious hothead who has serious authority issues. Spock's loss of his mother and homeworld make him tense and desperate. Spock Prime's triple loss--his timeline, his homeworld, and his failure to save Romulus--inspires him to work toward rebuilding Vulcan and continuing his work as a peacemaker. This isn't quite as topical or as obvious as the themes the original series used to explore, but I think it's in the same vein, and I hope it continues.

I think the film also did a good job of conveying Roddenberry's optimistic, moderately utopian view of the future--particularly surprising, given the destruction of two worlds. I think that figured heavily into the film's visuals; the bright, pure whiteness of the Enterprise interior wasn't just a contrast with the dank, dark interior of the Romulan ship, but it also served as a kind of visual shorthand for a bright and positive future. I'll be honest, I didn't really notice the overuse of lens flares until the second time I saw the movie, but even then it reminded me of the same effect used in DC One Million for the future heroes' costumes--visual shorthand for futuristic and impressive. It's a nice way of demonstrating that, unlike so much modern sci-fi, this isn't going to be a crapsack world full of dilapidated technology. Quite literally, it's a future so bright, you'd have to wear shades.

Which I think, again, feeds into the contrast between the Enterprise and the Romulan ship. The dark, jagged, smoky green-lit interior of the Romulan craft reminded me of nothing so much as the enemy ships in Star Trek: Nemesis***. One of the more apparent meta-themes of the movie seems to be getting away from the dark and cynical future that has become increasingly apparent through the last several Star Trek films and shows (as represented by a visitor from that future). Even the decks of the Enterprise-E, Voyager, and the Defiant had a tendency to get excessively dark during red alert and battle situations, and the Enterprise never really felt like that in this film.

The filmmakers made some allusions and choices, though, that I think demonstrate what parts of Star Trek and sci-fi in general they'd like to emulate--referencing the "good parts," I suppose. I've mentioned Star Wars a couple of times now, and one of the things I think this Trek did very well was something that was omnipresent in the holy trilogy: background aliens. One of the reasons those shots in Mos Eisley and Jabba's palace were so damn cool was because they were full of weird-looking alien people who weren't given any significant parts or backstories or explanations, just hanging around doing normal things like normal extras. That attention to detail is part of what made the Star Wars universe feel so big and so diverse and so rich; it's something that the endless Expanded Universe texts, elaborating on every character who ever appeared for more than two frames in exquisite detail, have diluted quite a bit. Star Trek did much the same thing, with the big-eyed doctor who delivered Kirk Cameron's baby Kirk and the alien helmsman who appared briefly****. Those elements serve to flesh out the universe, enhancing that feeling of immersion and depth.

One allusion I particularly liked, besides the obligatory references to classic lines ("Are you out of your Vulcan mind?" and such), was the way Nero was essentially Spock's Khan. Both Khan and Nero have royal names, both vowed revenge on their respective targets for the deaths of their wives, both went after their targets' family members, both used mind-worms to wrest information from Starfleet officers, and so forth. It really underscores the point that this is Spock's movie*****.

Back to the details, I didn't (unlike some) mind "red matter." It was phlebotinum in pure, spherical form, clearly named after "dark matter," and implying some kind of strange, exotic, probably quite dense or unstable form of matter. I did have an issue with the idea that a supernova could destroy a galaxy; that was just sloppy (for more on the real astronomy, see what Phil Plait had to say). Overall, I think a lot of the film got a pass based on rule of cool--particularly Sulu's pocket katana. Silly? Sure. Awesome? Damn straight.

One final****** detail I'd like to mention is the way that the writers have apparently anticipated all the fan outrage and time travel fix fics that will be spawned by the reboot. This point sparked a lengthy and geeky conversation with my mother, who generally hates change. On the other hand, it gave me the second opportunity******* in recent memory to say "you're not thinking fourth-dimensionally" and to draw this diagram:



So I guess it was a wash. Point being, this reboot is doubly great, because it not only preserves the original Star Trek universe, but also makes it clear that they can't just go back and set right what once went wrong. The first point is potentially debatable--it could be argued that the new Trek reality supplants the old one--but Word of God and one of Trek's many established sets of time travel/alternate universe rules suggest that the new universe is an offshoot of the original, a divergent quantum reality, so that the original universe also continues to exist unabated.

The latter point, I suppose, requires some explanation (though I'm sure quite a lot of folks have reasoned it out the same way). We have the original Trek timeline, which proceeds as we know it up to the point where Spock Prime******** and Nero get pulled into the singularity. This spits Nero out in the past (or more likely, in the 2233 of a parallel-but-identical timeline), where he immediately destroys the U.s.S. Kelvin, killing George Kirk and causing this timeline to diverge from the original one*********. When Spock emerges twenty years later, it's into this already-altered timeline. This means that Spock Prime emerged into an already-altered timeline, changed by the events of twenty years prior. Spock Prime could go to the future and stop the supernova from obliterating Romulus, but it wouldn't change anything. The Nero who destroyed Vulcan wasn't the Nero of this timeline; like Spock Prime, he came from the original universe. The only way********** for Spock Prime to get back to the original universe would be for him to go back to the point of divergence and stop the event that spawned the alternate timeline. In other words, he has to arrive at the precise moment that the Narada exits the singularity and stop Nero from destroying the Kelvin.

Which shouldn't be a problem, right? I mean, how many ways are there to time travel in the Star Trek universe? The slingshot around the sun bit seems to be the most popular, but I'm sure Spock Prime also remembers where the Guardian of Forever is, and there's the Bajoran Orb of Time and several other options as well.

But once he's back in the past, waiting to meet and beat Nero, what then? The Narada is a hundred years more advanced than anything Starfleet has right now. We've already seen it effortlessly destroy six Federation starships in the span of a minute or two. What could Spock Prime possibly do to stop it? He'd have to go back with an entire fleet, and even then there's no guarantee he could win. First, he'd probably have to share some of his knowledge of advanced technology, and just because he knows about things like quantum torpedoes doesn't mean he knows how to construct one. And even if he does know how to construct one doesn't mean that Starfleet has the ability to build one yet. Frankly, I wouldn't feel comfortable trying to ambush the Narada (remember, they have to destroy--or at least disable--it before it can destroy the Kelvin, and probably before he can bring Capt. Robau onboard) with anything less than a Defiant or an Enterprise-E (even then, I'd want some serious backup), and those ships are pretty close to cutting edge in a hundred years' time.

Regardless, Spock Prime would need years to prepare an assault force with any hope of defeating Nero before the timeline could be altered. Doing so would require him to gain significant support from the Federation (even though he's a quantum anomaly, whose plan may, for all they know, result in the destruction of their universe), develop a ridiculously complicated plan (at least, as far as the time travel aspect goes; the "blow him up" portion of the plan is pretty straightforward) with a huge amount of advanced experimental Starfleet ships and resources, and all to an unclear end, because even if they succeed, it's not certain what will happen. Will they just spawn a third quantum reality? Will traveling back to the future bring Spock Prime back to where he needs to be (and if so, will he be able to stop the supernova in time to keep this from becoming a repeating cycle? Or would doing so just create new problems? What will happen to the fleet he takes? Will they be able to get back to their quantum reality, or will they become like Spock Prime is now, adrift in a universe not their own? I don't know about you, but if I were the President of the Federation, I wouldn't be wasting time and manpower on a plan with so many unknown risks.

And if I were Spock Prime, I'd be setting course for Farpoint Station at the earliest convenience.

So, to conclude, I really enjoyed the new Trek movie, and I hope it's the start of a long and excellent film series. The movie captured a lot of the traits and tropes that make for good Star Trek and good sci-fi in general. The new universe even offers some interesting new opportunities to revisit old stories and enemies, if it comes to that. While I'd like to continue seeing new stories with the familiar settings and mostly familiar characters, I'd be lying through my teeth if I said that there wasn't a part of me who would like to see Kirk and crew face the Borg ninety years ahead of schedule. But that's a plot for another film, hopefully at least five or six films hence. All I know is that I'm looking forward to the sequel, and that for the first time in a very long time, I'm excited about Star Trek.

One last thing: you may have noticed that my little fan background schpiel at the beginning really didn't touch on the original series much. That's because, well, I haven't ever watched much of it. Most of my knowledge of TOS has come from cultural osmosis and reading the Star Trek Encyclopedia. But the new movie has piqued my interest, and I've started watching more Trek--especially original Trek--than I have in years. What this all means is that I'm thinking about a new weekly event, Trek Tuesdays, where I'll be blogging about some Star Trek episode or idea on a weekly basis. If you've been reading this blog for any time at all, you know what problems I have with punctuality and commitment, and you know that this would be the first time I've ever had two regular features going at the same time. I can't guarantee when it'll start, but at the very least it'll give me an excuse to post more frequently, and on more than just SilverHawks. I've got something special planned for this week (astute Trekkies might be able to predict what), and then we'll see what happens.

End log.

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*Yes, I know, four seasons is hardly a dismal failure from a ratings and marketing standpoint. I suppose I'm talking in terms of fan reception and overall quality.

**Incidentally, this was (in my opinion) the main theme of "V for Vendetta"--desperate situations can drive people to do and become things they never would have imagined or condoned. Evey is driven by circumstances to prostitution, then eventually to terrorism; V is driven to terrorism through torture and experimentation; even Susan describes how the government was driven to fascism by nuclear war.

***The green lighting and steam and jagged features also evoked the "real world" of the Matrix films and the settings of the Alien movies. Star Trek seems to be trying for high contrast with the major themes of modern sci-fi.

****Based on the back of the Animated Series box, I assume he's based on a character from the cartoon.

*****There's also the fact that there's two of him.

******Mercifully.

*******The first was when I was teaching "A Sound of Thunder" and trying to explain why they couldn't just go back and stop themselves from going back in time in the first place.

********I know it's standard practice in sci-fi and comics, but naming the original entity/timeline/whatever "Prime" grates against that scientist/mathematician part of me. See, in science and math, the "prime" designation is attached to the copy. If I draw some figure A, then draw a copy of that figure reflected over some line, I label the second figure A', pronounced "a-prime." On the other hand, "prime" comes from the Latin primus for "first," which I guess means that it's the science/math usage which is erroneous. This concludes my most recent war of inner geeks.

*********By the way, if you're a time traveler looking to alter the future, "destroy the first thing you see when you get to the past" seems like a pretty good strategy.

**********Okay, not the only way. Presumably, he could be transported during an ion storm (a la "Mirror, Mirror") or he could pass through a quantum fissure (a la "Parallels"), or something, but there's no guarantee he'd end up in the right universe. I suppose they could analyze his quantum signature and somehow try to get him back, but again, that seems like a bit of a crap shoot.***********

***********You know, this asterisk stuff is for the birds. From now on, I'm using superscript numbers.

The Doctor is In Awesome

Holy crap, "Doctor Who" rocks.

Over the course of the last week or so, I've been watching season 1 of the relaunch. Somehow, despite having seen several episodes of the new series, I've only previously managed to catch two episodes with Christopher Eccleston: "The Empty Child" and "The Parting of the Ways," episodes somewhat bereft of their gravitas being seen out of context. Watching the series from the beginning has been an absolute treat. There aren't many shows that can alternate so successfully and so powerfully between funny, touching, scary, and suspenseful. I quite literally jumped out of my chair when they "killed" Rose in "Bad Wolf"--a moment which wouldn't have been nearly as effective if they hadn't already "replaced" Rose earlier that episode. Lynda Moss was a fantastic misdirection character.

One of the things I really like about this series is that it engages in social commentary, the way science fiction shows, almost as a rule, used to. I think a great deal of this has to do with the fact that the series doesn't take itself too seriously. Social commentary was essentially the purpose of "Star Trek," and it worked because they weren't afraid to crack a pun or make a joke at the end of all of it. The more serious the Star Trek shows became, the more they focused on building some kind of coherent universe as opposed to telling more-or-less isolated stories with a constant cast, the more hollow and contrived the commentary felt, when it showed up at all. The series became increasingly detached thematically from anything resembling real life, just as they also became more pessimistic, more grim, and less like an idealized estimation of the future. Sometimes that worked, when the characters drove the story (see: The Dominion War arc); more often, it failed miserably (see: the Temporal Cold War arc...or, hell, anything from Voyager and Enterprise).

Doctor Who's sense of humor about itself is what allows it to tell stories about futuristic reality television and animated mannequin armies; the show isn't specifically concerned with dotting all the continuity i's and crossing all the universe-building t's, it's concerned about telling good stories with good characters, and occasionally saying something about the state of affairs in our time, on our world.

That's something that I'd like to see more in American sci-fi. I hear Stargate SG-1 was pretty good about keeping things light, but that ought to be the rule, rather than the exception. Science Fiction would do well to remember its roots.

In the meantime, though, I'll be travelling with the Doctor.