Prelude to a Bad Decision

I decided, apropos of nothing, to put on Joss Whedon's Zack Snyder's "Justice League" while doing some work today. I discussed the movie when it came out eleventy billion years ago, and thought it was fine. It's not good, but grading on the curve of every DCEU movie up to that point, it was a solid B-. Sitting in 2021, I remember bits and pieces of it—Steppenwolf looking like he stepped out of an XBox 360 cutscene, the decent cell phone video of Superman that was marred by the terrible attempt to CGI out Cavill's moustache, all the characters sounding like their rough counterparts in "The Avengers"—but not a lot of details.

Obviously the intervening years have altered my perspective on the film, both through the revelations about the behind-the-scenes racism and abuse and through the fanatical and also frequently abusive behavior of the fans clamoring for this version of the film, which absolutely definitely existed and was finished years ago and also needed an additional $70 million dollars and reshoots to complete. 

That perspective has not been altered for the better. 

Against my better judgment, I'm going to watch the Snyder Cut sometime, probably this weekend, so I figured it'd be good to see how it deviates from the theatrical release, like I did for the Lester and Donner cuts of "Superman II" so very long ago. I don't expect to enjoy either one; my feelings on the superhero movies of Zack Snyder are well-documented, and even under the best circumstances, four hours is too @#%*$! long for a superhero movie. But four hours of nihilistic spite dressed up in cinematic deepities and CGI with a sepia-toned overlay is unlikely to be the best of circumstances. 

Will it be better than two hours of the extremely generic re-skinned "Avengers: Age of Ultron" that got released to theaters? There's only one way to find out!

Supermonth: Supergirl Liveblogging

I remember watching Supergirl years and years ago, and being generally pretty confused by it. I only have vague impressions left; something about Argo City being underwater, and the Omegadrome, and a cardboard cut-out of Superman. All that's about to change, though, as I pop the DVD into the player and liveblog (so to speak) the flick from start to finish. Join me, won't you?

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The opening titles are actually pretty well done; reminiscent of the Superman films without feeling too derivative. Also, very sparkly. Mia Farrow's in it? Interesting. And Peter O'Toole!

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Is it bad that I cringe whenever I see one of the Salkinds' names these days?

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All right, so we've got some kind of city in a crystal mountain, where people are dressed like it's the Valley of the Dolls. And I think I just heard someone called "Leia."

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Apparently Zaltar, O'Toole's character, is some kind of crystal sculptor. Kara approaches him, asking what his new creation will be; he says "I think, a tree," which brings to mind a bit of Joyce Kilmer (and to my heathen mind, a bit of Yip Harburg) and sets Zaltar up as some sort of god figure. We'll see if that pans out.

Anyway, Kara asks what a tree is, and Zaltar tells her it's a lovely thing which grows on Earth. "Earth, you mean where my cousin went?" You know, I've never been keen on the idea that Kara knew where Kal-El was sent prior to her own journey; maybe it's just because in the Silver Age, she watched him through a telescope, which defies more physical laws and principles than most of her powers put together, but it's always kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

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Zaltar wants to visit Earth himself, using the "binary chute," but Kara warns that he'd never survive the pressure. He thinks about going to Saturn instead, and then chastizes Kara for not thinking sixth-dimensionally. See, Saturn and Earth are in outer space, while Argo City is in inner space. Well, that clears everything up quite nicely. Wait, what?

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Zaltar shows Kara the Omegahedron (not Omegadrome, which I recall now is the thing that made Cyborg all gold and liquidy), the city's power supply, which he'd "borrowed" from "the Guardians." It's a spinning ball that glows and produces a light show similar to the Cosmic Key.

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Zaltar says "I think that I shall never see the branches of a living tree;" now I'm pretty certain that the Kilmer reference is intentional. The Omegahedron cannot create life, only the illusion or shadow thereof. Alura, Kara's mother shows up, and Zaltar creates a bracelet for Kara with his orange plastic wand, saying something about "inventing miracles." If the God thing isn't intentional, then the writers lack any sense of symbolism.

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Zaltar apparently founded Argo City, though he wishes to leave, wondering what lies beyond the city walls. He has decided to go to Venus, and he surreptitiously kicks the Omegahedron over to Kara, who uses it to animate the dragonfly she created with the orange wand. I'm sure only good can come of this.

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The dragonfly rips through a window, which appears to be made of wax paper, and the city begins to explosively decompress. Kara is slammed up against the hole. Some guy who looks an awful lot like Topher Grace shouts her name and rushes to save her, then Zaltar fixes the window with his wand. Apparently the Omegahedron went out the window, giving Zaltar the excuse he needs to leave the city, to look for it. While he's chatting, Kara gets into the chute, and the lotus-petals close up around her to form a pod. She leaves the city, via some kind of gravitational radiation, from inner space to outer space, and according to her parents, she'll never be the same again. If you're wondering why, join the club. Zaltar, as penance for losing the Omegahedron, suggests that he must be placed in the Phantom Zone.

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Kara's pod zips through inner space (I guess) alongside some pretty trippy special effects. Kind of "Willy Wonka boat ride" trippy, not quite "the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey" trippy. I guess that means it's only half-full of stars.

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We cut to two WASPs enjoying champagne on a high-class picnic. Selena, Faye Dunaway's character, muses about how awesome the world is, and how she can't wait until it's all hers. Peter Cook, her companion (who sounds an awful lot like Alan Rickman), suggests that the only way she can rule the world is to become invisible. What? He then explains how to do so, apparently, which involves a dead man's head and several black beans. Apparently he's some kind of wizard, and Selena's trying to discover the secrets of black magic.

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The Omegahedron falls from the sky and lands in Selena's soup. The parallels to the Masters of the Universe movie continue.

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Selena picks up the ball and starts to recite some kind of immortality spell. She then dismisses Nigel, gets into the car, and uses the Omegahedron to start it (since Nigel's still holding the keys). On the radio, we hear that Superman has set off on a peace-seeking mission to a galaxy that may be hundreds of billions of light years away. Kara, you have absolutely the worst timing.

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Kara's pod opens up, and she comes out, then flies out of a pond, dressed in her Supergirl costume. Okay, wait, what? When did she get underwater? Where did she get the costume? Somehow, I doubt that I'll be given any satisfying answers to these questions.

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Testing her new powers, Supergirl picks up a flower, then uses heat vision on it, which for some reason causes its petals to open up. She then discovers she can fly, and dances around in the air in a sequence that's actually pretty cool. The whimsicality of the Superman family, particularly with regard to how fun and awesome flying is, isn't explored often enough. The scene honestly reminds me of a more low-key version of that bit in Superman Returns where young Clark is jumping around the cornfield.

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The bluescreen flying effects are less impressive. Helen Slater reminds me a bit of Alicia Silverstone.

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There's a gorgeous shot where Supergirl is standing in front of a body of water at sunset, doing the classic Superman arms akimbo pose, with her back to the camera. If nothing else, the cinematography is pretty good so far.

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Selena returns to her...um, abandoned funhouse, which I assume she got real cheap from a police auction of the Joker's property. She calls out, and I swear it's for "Ianto." I guess this must be Torchwood Five or something.

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Oh, Bianca.

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Bianca comes in and suggests that they start their own coven in order to pay the bills. She suggests charging $5 a head for membership fees, which leads me to wonder just how popular covens are in this town. It's that damn Wiccan mafia, I tell you.

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Cut to Supergirl flying above the city, when her bracelet starts beeping and blinking. Why did Zaltar give her a signal watch? And if she asks him, will he make her big? She lands, and a semi comes to a stop in front of her. Two skeezy men emerge, making typically chauvinistic remarks to the Maid of Might. She naïvely greets them and asks where she is. The men respond that she's on "Lover's Lane." Great, another "LL" in the Superman mythos. I don't know what's dumber here: that two truckers are going to try to take on a girl dressed like Superman, or that Supergirl's bracelet apparently has an alarm that notifies her of good places to get sexually assaulted.

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One of the men tugs her cape aside to get a look at her rear; the other one turns out to be Max Headroom. No, really. Supergirl explains that she's Superman's cousin, and that she's looking for the Omegahedron, the Macguffin that powers Argo City. This exposition doesn't fail our intrepid truckers, who are unwavering in their noble quest to score some Kryptonian jailbait this night. In the middle of a street, no less. You can probably predict what happens: Supergirl lifts Sid the Squid up by his chin, accompanied by the usual bone-cracking sound effects we've come to expect from Kryptonians using their powers on muggles normal people, and she asks why they're doing this. Big Russ's response: "It's just the way we are." Well, there's some anvilicious dialogue for you. That's right up there with Sandman.

Sidenote: I vaguely remember this same thing happening in the Superman/Batman arc that introduced the newest iteration of Supergirl. Except that Kara was naked at the time. But I'll check that when I get the chance.

Supergirl blows Matt Frewer...into a fence, with her super-breath. For some reason, the other trucker pulls out a switchblade and tells her she "shouldn't have done that." He is similarly unfazed when she uses heat vision on the knife. It's like he's consumed by bloodlust, only for sex...if only there were some term for this strange sex-lust.

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Supergirl kicks him in the junk. He goes flying into a pile of garbage, and the Girl of Steel takes to the skies. And yet, the trucker must be wearing a frigging kryptonite cup, because he lethargically suggests (not even in falsetto!) that they don't mention this to anyone.

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Selena's holding a party, and she claims that the attendees are her army of the night. This is the most incredibly '80s army of the night ever. No army of the night in history has featured so much Jheri Curl and so many white sportcoats with the sleeves rolled up. I was pretty much instantly reminded of this:That's right, a Hocus Pocus reference.

So, she lights Peter Cook's cigarette with her finger as a demonstration of her awesome powers. He shows her...something; it's not clear what, apparently to demonstrate that ambition is dangerous. As a response, she toys with one of the partygoers, again to demonstrate her amazing abilities, which now extend to telekinesis and beverage-based scorpion-generation. She sends Nigel away angrily.

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We cut to a forest, where Supergirl is asleep on the ground, wrapped in her cape. She wakes up and bids a rabbit good morning. Then, all the woodland creatures help her make a pretty new dress so she can impress Prince Malverne at tonight's ball.

No, wait, scratch that last part. A couple of kids run in to retrieve a lost softball, then return to the diamond, which appears to be separated from Supergirl's sleeping place by a single row of trees. She starts watching the game, seemingly surprised to find it. Because, you know, someone with incredibly sharp super-senses can't possibly hear a loud softball game being played thirty feat away. Supergirl may be the world's soundest sleeper.

She checks out one of the girls in the audience, who appears to be wearing some kind of school uniform. Somehow, by walking behind various trees, Supergirl is able to change her costume into a matching uniform and backpack, and turn her brunette to boot. By comparison, Superman's superweaving skills are like the guy who learns how to sew buttons back onto his shirts before he goes to college.

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Sidenote: I think I've linked to that super-weaving page more often than any other single page on the web.

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Supergirl, incognito, goes into some kind of private school and begins looking around. The name "Danvers" is dropped fairly casually by a passing student; it apparently belongs to the headmaster or principal or whatever. Supergirl says she's a new student; and noting a portrait of Robert E. Lee on the wall, gives her name as "Linda Lee." You know, I want to go to a private girls' school where the headmaster has a picture of a Confederate general on the wall; I imagine there would be nothing but totally progressive values in such a place.

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Nigel barges in to complain about all the nasty new Gryffindors students, who have played pranks on him. While the headmaster is out of the room listening to him grousing about his Potions class, Linda forges a letter from Clark on the typewriter and sneaks it into Danvers' file. How did Linda find out her cousin's Earth name?

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Holy crap! Girls in bras! That's honestly racier than I expected. And girls in bras with towels inexplicably wrapped around them from chest to knee. That's...more bizarre than I expected. Linda gets a tour of the campus, including the "girls who lounge around in their underwear" dorm that exists solely in movies and college males' dreams. Linda gets placed in a room with Lucy Lane. What a coinkidink! Danvers puts two and two together about their relatives working together on the same paper. Strangely, though Lucy claims that she was supposed to have a single, the room is clearly a double, and Lucy has decorated it as such, including signs that say "It's mine beyond this line." She also appears to be reading a She-Hulk comic.

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Linda sees a poster of Superman on Lucy's wall; I may have misremembered the cardboard cut-out. Lucy offers to introduce Linda to Superman. Irony!

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Selena's playing a game of "He loves me, he loves me not" with Tarot cards, and comes to the conclusion that people will do anything for love. Thus, she concludes, she's going to make everyone fall in love with her. Some kind of tchotchke on the armrest starts pulsating, and the camera cuts briefly to show Linda in class nearby. Eventually, Supergirl's bracelet starts blinking and beeping, and she uses X-Ray vision to see Selena's car driving away. She is about to leave when Professor Snape chastizes her.

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After class, Linda and friends are playing what I can only assume is field hockey. One of the other girls is apparently trying to kill Lucy Lane for no reason besides pure malice, and Linda rushes in to save her, allowing the field hockey ball to shatter against her body. And then, girls in the shower! And girls peeping on other girls in the shower! And the mean girls are fiddling with the pipes in order to give the girls a good scalding. Ah, the wholesome fun of an all-girls prep school. Linda, naturally, turns the tables on them with a bevy of super-senses and some heat vision, leading to their eventual humiliation.

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Lucy offers to pierce Linda's ears. That can only lead to great things, I'm sure. It'll be like those old comics where Jimmy tries to cut Clark's hair. Oh, and Lucy's in a bra again. And Linda's putting a bra on over her uniform...and stuffing it. What the hell?

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Speaking of Jimmy, Lucy talks about how she's having him come up from Metropolis.

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Linda Lee is Willow Rosenberg. Especially in her voice.

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According to Linda's map, Midvale is near Peoria, IL. Next thing we see is Supergirl on a flying tour of Chicago. At least they're not trying to pretend that Chicago is Metropolis or anything. I'm glad that the modern films have been better about masking their locales; no more Statues of Liberty in Gotham and Metropolis.

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Selena's making a love potion. Kind of makes me wonder what the heck the point of the flying scene was. Gosh, this movie's long...there's still over an hour left.

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Oh, right, Bianca.

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Selena lures a landscaper into her secondhand hideout and gives him a dose of the love potion. Then Nigel shows up, wearing what appears to be a Members Only jacket.

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Ye gods, I can't imagine how boring it must be to be reading this. Especially if you're not watching the movie while doing so. Many apologies.

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The landscaper wakes up in a daze and ends up walking through the still-active haunted house; Nigel tries to talk Selena into doing something with Mosaic. I didn't realize that Green Lantern was going to show up.

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Jimmy Olsen takes Lucy, Linda, and his friends out for a classy dinner at a generic fast food restaurant. They happen to see the love-potion-struck fool staggering through the street. Apparently he hasn't looked up from his shuffling feet since he left the funhouse, since he's supposed to fall madly in love with the first person he sees. Also, since he's not kissin' everything in sight, this must be Love Potion No. 7 or something, not #9. Lucy calls him a dingleberry; Linda asks what a dingleberry is. Oh Linda, be very glad that Lucy didn't explain it to you.

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Jimmy pops by to offer some anti-drug propaganda from behind his bowtie and sweater-vest. Jimmy, you're a tool.

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Selena uses the Omegahedron, which is either stuck inside a dragon-shaped box, or has grown to be shaped like a small leaden dragon tchotchke, to send an earth mover chasing after her lovestruck gardener. In the entirety of the chase, he apparently sees no one. Lucy runs out to climb into the runaway piece of construction equipment, hoping to stop it. Instead, she's knocked rather easily unconscious, while calamity ensues all around her. Cue Linda's quick change in the bathroom.

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Supergirl surveys the area, apparently trying to figure out which problems to stop first. She actually manages to take care of things pretty efficiently. Supergirl changes to Linda for some reason before opening up the jaws of the earth mover (having taken it away from the chaos), and naturally he falls in love with her. Selena, watching through her magic mirror, is terribly upset. This naturally could have been avoided if she'd chased after him in a car rather than trying to remote control construction vehicles to capture him. Don't supervillains ever do anything simply?

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Somehow, despite watching the whole thing through a magic mirror, Selena and Bianca miss that Linda and Supergirl are the same. She sends some kind of spell to kill Linda or something.

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Supergirl shows up to fight the invisible wind or monster or something. It's invisible, and it's stormy, but it's not totally clear what the threat is supposed to be.

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Okay, it's invisible Godzilla. Supergirl stops it (revealing its shape in the process) with a makeshift lightning rod that generally defies the physics of lightning rods.

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Linda finally figures out that the bracelet is a kind of tracking device for the Omegahedron. She follows it to the funhouse, where the gardener-stalker shows up with chocolates and roses.

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Lovestoned landscaper gets a name--Ethan--and continues talking in wannabe Elizabethan. He proposes to Linda, and they both act kind of dumb.

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Selena starts spinning the lovebirds on a magically out-of-control Tilt-A-Whirl. Linda, as you might expect, disappears, and Supergirl drops in shortly thereafter. So far Selena still hasn't made the connection. She's not particularly bright. She also claims to be a "Siren of Endor," which I think means she's supposed to be a tall, bald Ewok.

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To demonstrate her awesome power, Selena tries to kill Ethan. With bumper cars. Supervillains are dumb.

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"You got hit on the head with a coconut." "Supergirl" = "Gilligan's Island."

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Selena has brought Nigel in to teach her Occlumency or something. He uses the Elder Wand to help her with the Omegahedron, and together they capture Ethan just after he apparently figures out Supergirl's identity.

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Selena feels up Nigel so she can steal the Elder Wand (or whatever), and uses it with the Omegahedron to make Nigel look like a hobo in drag. She also turns her funhouse into a mountaintop castle with a decor strangely similar to the Luthor place in "Smallville"Selena entrances Ethan and puts Supergirl into the Phantom Zone, complete with the classic spinning square motif. Which is actually pretty cool. The glass pane breaks, and Supergirl is in a dark, barren wasteland of a world, which is (I presume) the movieverse Phantom Zone. She quickly discovers that her powers are gone completely. So she starts walking. I know it's not going to happen, but I think it'd be pretty awesome if she ran into Mon-El or some Phantom Zone prisoners. So far, though, she just falls into a tar pit.

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Selena's driving through the city, where some of the college students (Lucy included, also Jimmy) are protesting her. She really asserted her omnipotent dominance over Midvale rather quickly.

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Wow, maybe we will get to see some Phantom Zone prisoners, because someone just pulled a sleepy Supergirl out of the muck.

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Oh, it's Zaltar. He offers her a "squirt," which is less dirty than it sounds, and he's clearly gone a bit mad, or at least a bit depressed.

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There's a way out of the Phantom Zone, but it's impossible. Which I'm pretty sure means there's no way out. Eventually Supergirl's super-perkiness convinces him to help her try to escape via some kind of singularity or something.

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One thing I'll say about Selena, she knows how to pace herself. Some villains are all "Today the city, tomorrow...the world!" but she's all, "Today Midvale, by the end of the week the contiguous bits of North America, and after that we'll see." Good for you, Selena. Don't spread yourself too thin.

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Supergirl and Zaltar make their way through Disney's The Black Hole, while Selena tosses fireballs at them from afar. That doesn't do much, so she decides to summon "the demon storm." Zaltar sacrifices himself to let Kara go on without him, and the god parallels from earlier go largely unfulfilled, except maybe in some Nietzschean way, but it's been awhile since I read Zarathustra, so I can't be sure. Supergirl escapes and flies into Selena's lair. Selena threatens the lives of Kara's friends, as you might expect, and Supergirl neutralizes her trap, as again you might expect. Supergirl demands the Omegahedron, but Selena uses it to power up the Elder Wand so she can do some flashy but ultimately lame magic tricks to the general environment. In the meantime, I should say that it's really a good idea to have a magical villain in this flick. It allows for some more entertaining encounters than you get with the traditional beat-em-up of superhero flicks. I wish one of the Superman sequels would remember his other weakness like this does.

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Selena summons Stampede to stop Supergirl. There's some weird stretching, and Supergirl's writhing in pain, but she hears Obi-Wan Zaltar's voice in her head and it gives her the resolve to call on the Strength of the Bear and break free. Ethan disturbs the Omegahedron, and Nigel tells Supergirl to "confront her with it," which is singularly vague advice. Somehow, Selena and Bianca--who really feels like a bystander in all this--are sucked into the magic mirror, and the monster vanishes. That's kind of a confusing climax.

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Supergirl takes the Omegahedron and swears Jimmy and Lucy to secrecy about her existence. Ethan says he'll explain to the others about Linda, and they share a tender moment. Supergirl flies off.

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Supergirl goes back underwater and we see Argo City in the distant darkness. I think that must have been the source of my confusion as to Argo's whereabouts as a kid. The credits roll, the theme song plays, and the movie's over.

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Again, I was pleasantly surprised by this film. Much like my experiences with "Lois and Clark" and "Superboy," I expected this to turn out to be absolute crap, but it was actually pretty decent. There are some nasty plot holes, and some things aren't entirely clear, but overall it's a decent flick, and Supergirl is made into a distinct character. At no time does this movie feel like it's just Superman in a skirt, or like the plot is interchangeable with the Man of Steel. It's very much a Supergirl story, and Supergirl has enough whimsy and pluck (though her naivete is frequently overplayed) to carry the film. The film is easily better than either Superman III or IV, and doesn't suffer from the blatant bad ideas of those movies. My biggest complaint is that it sometimes feels like there are ideas that don't get followed through all the way, and points that don't quite get complete closure. At the very least, it's worth a watch, and it's worth the $7.50 I shelled out for it. I'm happy to put Supergirl onto my DVD shelf.

Supermonth: Lois and Clark Liveblogging

I've been meaning to start this for a few days now, but I wasn't quite sure where to start. My plan is, every couple of days, to "liveblog" the premiere of one of the various Superman series, some of the films, and possibly some key episodes along the way. So, to kick things off, I'm going to blog and review one of the very few of these premieres that I actually watched when it first aired: the first episode of "Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman." Follow along at home!

• 0:00 - I like the way the title sequence proceeds, running the credits in front of the S-shield. It gives the premiere more of a cinematic feeling, and it doesn't present any spoilers the way that running a normal "scene montage" theme song opening might.
  
• 1:20 - We begin with very little indication of when this is taking place. It's obviously in Metropolis, but the 1950s taxi makes one wonder where everything is going. Are they going to recap Clark's rocket landing? If so, why is Metropolis involved?
  I'm not actually asking, but I imagine that might have been the purpose for the first-time viewer.
  
• 1:40 - The bearded guy who got out of the cab is entering the Daily Planet offices, treating us to a wide-angle shot of the newsroom. My initial reaction was that this would result in some kind of bomb/shooting threat early on, which conflicted with my fuzzy memories of watching this show years and years ago.
  
• 2:00 - But it quickly becomes clear that the bearded guy is Lois in disguise. Jimmy recognizes her (from behind, wearing a ski cap) and helps her take off the fake beard and moustache, which calls into question why, if his observational skills are so keen, he can't figure out who Superman is. Lois, of course, had been undercover for a story about a car theft ring.
  
• 2:55 - Perry enters, with his southern-fried accent. I remember that bothering me a little as a kid (especially as he got Flanderized into an overpowering Elvis obsession over the seasons). He demonstrates a sense of humor, Lois demonstrates competence and independence, and the Planet staff demonstrates a sort of camaraderie that we don't see much in adaptations (or even in the comics).
  
• 3:27 - Jimmy is clever and ambitious, Perry wants him to write obituaries. I remember this being a big change in how Jimmy is portrayed in popular media; most of the time he's a kid, a cub reporter. Here, he's still young, but obviously older than we usually see him, and significantly more confident and competent. Still, brash and ambitious enough to get into plenty of trouble.
  
• 4: 30 - We get our first look at Dean Cain's Clark Kent, literally fresh off the bus, carrying a beat-up old suitcase with his initials in chipping, tarnished gold on the side.
  
• 4:44 - This is one of the two scenes I remember from the premiere the first time it aired--Clark stopping the bus with his bare hand, saving a string of clichéd pedestrians that included a mom with a stroller and two nuns (good thing he wasn't trying to get rid of a bomb). Naturally, in the hustle and bustle of Metropolis life, only one woman notices Clark's amazing feat. I've always liked the image of his handprint pressed into the bus's bumper.
  
• 5:45 - A homeless-looking guy with a package wrapped in brown paper rushes to Lois's desk talking about things going to explode. You know, if you're trying to alert reporters about urgent news, this is not the way to do it.
  
• 7:08 - Cat Grant sounds a bit like a drag queen. I'm not sure why they decided to go "sleazy prostitute" with her character for this show, but I seem to recall that Morrison did the same over in All-Star Superman.
  
• 9:49 - Clark's interview is interrupted by Jimmy, then Lois. Perry makes an effort to introduce Clark to the latter, but she's clearly more interested in talking about her lead. It's a suitably awkward way to bring the characters together, and to set Clark up as a bit of a doormat.
  
• 10:37 - Clark being rejected at his interview is an often-repeated theme in retellings of the Superman origin, but not one that generally gets much notice.
  
• 10:55 - Ma and Pa are introduced. I remember always liking Callan and Jones as the Kents, and I'm glad this incarnation decided to keep them alive. In fact, I think this is the first TV series to do so, following the post-CoIE status quo.
  
• 12:15 - The first flying sequence. Clark lazily (and rigidly) rises up off his bed to fix a flickering lightbulb. The effect comes across as more than a bit stiff.
  
• 12:53 - And now he's pacing on the walls. It's a good image, although the effect is a bit obvious, thanks to Cain's movements.
  
• 13:42 - Lois enters her apartment with a large brown bag of groceries (I'm on alert for oranges!) and calls out for Lucy. I didn't remember that Lucy was living with Lois in this series. How long did this last?
  
• 14:34 - Some really heavy-handed exposition there, with Lucy explaining to Lois about her relationship problems. "You've gotta stop scaring them off, Lois. You've gotta stop being so smart all the time, so intense!"
  
• 14:51 - "Lois, I just want you to meet a super guy." Oh, bad.
  
• 15:52 - And Lois is crying in bed, watching a tape of a soap opera. Because what every strong, independent woman wants is a cookie-cutter romance. Maybe it's not quite that bad, but they've spent the whole episode showing how strong and capable Lois is, and now she starts bawling at hammy actors saying stuff like this: "Tonight, my body is yours. But my heart, my heart beats only for one man." Either it's undermining, or it's trying to demonstrate that the strength is a front to hide the troubled, lonely person inside. Either way, it's a bit of a crock.
  
• 17:15 - We get to see some covert demonstrations of X-Ray and Heat vision. The former looks pretty good (though it'll be hard to top the MRI-vision of "Superman Returns"), the latter not so much.
  
• 18:18 - Clark's a theatre fan. If I thought this would come up later in the episode, it'd be Chekhov's Chekhov.
  
• 19:07 - Wow, that's an old-school laptop. Clark sets it smoking with some super-speed typing. And naturally, he gets the job after turning the story in.
  
• 20:18 - Some pretty bad effects on a space shuttle fire. I mean, maybe I'm being a bit harsh on the '90s, but it's very '90s.
  
• 21:13 - Good ol' fast-talking Lois. That seems to be a recurring trope in media adaptations of the character.
  
• 23:18 - "Space Station Prometheus"...it's probably just a coincidence, or a similar thematic allusion, but I like how often Prometheus turns up in Superman stories.
  
• 26:30 - And now Drag Queen Cat is dressed like Elektra. Or possibly someone in a roller derby.
  
• 28:30 - Lois asks Clark out, Clark plays coy. I like how well-dressed Clark is in this; again, it's taking a cue from the comics at the time, where Clark's awkward nerdiness was downplayed.
  
• 30:15 - We get a decent flying sequence that's ruined a bit by too much flourish, and then an obvious green-screen that's ruined by a bad super-speed effect.
  
• 33:15 - Wow, mentioning that they don't know if Clark can "have a family" this early on? That's really cutting to the chase. I remember that being a major plot point in the last season or so, but I didn't realize they'd bring it up yet.
  
• 33:56 - Jimmy lists some of Lex's biographies--"Rags to Riches," "The Self-Made Billionaire"--so it looks like they're going with the Suicide Slum foster kid origin for Lex, another post-Crisis innovation (as far as I know) and one that I wish survived a bit more than the "Smallville" version that's been creeping in since "Birthright."
  
• 34:09 - John Shea's Lex Luthor. Not one of my favorite versions of the character; I can't recall him ever really seeming threatening.
  
• 34:34 - Lois says "Lex Luthor" and there's a crash of lightning and thunder. I guess it does sound a bit like "Frau Blucher."
  
• 35:00 - Seeing Lois gets a rise out of Clark. Literally. A nice, clever little character bit.
  
• 35:39 - I've never really liked the "Lex loves Lois" trope. It was a major plot point in "Ending Battle," and I thought it felt shoehorned-in then, too.
  
• 37:08 - Clark takes a bit of a trip around Lex's weapons room. The scene reminds me of a similar one in the 1989 Batman flick. I like that Lex compares himself to Alexander the Great. Nice showcase of his ego and megalomania.
  
• 30:49 - I don't know, I guess I just like Lex better when he's slick and malevolent, not so much when he's just smarmy.
  
• 39:48 - Surprisingly good hologram effect.
  
• 41:25 - Someone in a turban sends a cobra in to kill Lex, but Indiana Luthor stares it down. It slithers away, and apparently the snake charmer works for Luthor, and this has been planned? It doesn't make an awful lot of sense, unless Lex is trying to prove to his servants what a badass he is. Or gets a thrill out of near-death situations. Not sure exactly what kind of character development they're going for with that bit.
  
• 43:55 - I think Cat Grant took her hairstyle from Ron Perlman, circa "Beauty and the Beast."
  
• 45:29 - Maybe John Shea just reminds me too much of Don Adams. It's something in the voice and inflection.
  
• 48:00 - Would an actual meal from China include Fortune Cookies? Lois is right, though--it wasn't a fortune, and I don't like "aphorism cookies" either.
  
• 50:55 - I like Clark's feelings of helplessness at being unable to prevent their informant's death. It's a nice setup to eventually putting on the costume. I'm glad they're going for a slow build-up to the superheroics, doing the "covert guardian angel" thing. It seems that decompression wasn't invented in 2000.
  
• 51:21 - Beefcake!
  
• 54:51 - "The Congress of Nations." The '60s Batman movie had the "United World," and Doctor Who's UNIT had to recently change their name from "United Nations Intelligence Taskforce" to "UNified Intelligence Taskforce." Why can't TV shows use the United Nations?
  
• 59:59 - Oh great, Clark's a stalker in this too. Then again, when Lex Luthor is taking Lois home, it's probably best to be worried. Still, floating outside her window to eavesdrop? A little creepy, Clark.
  
• 1:02:02 - There's a neat thematic thing going on here. Perry's expressing some skepticism ("Let me get this straight") about Lois and Clark's story that the Prometheus station is being sabotaged and that the rocket will explode, based on their interview with Samuel Platt (the informant who died earlier), "a man who was banned from the scientific community." Ignoring, of course, that the scientific community isn't in the habit of banning people, there's a nice parallel between this and Jor-El's predictions about Krypton. An unbelievable story about an impending explosion, a respected scientist scoffed and kicked out of the scientific community, and such. It's not blatant enough that I can say it's definitely intentional, but it's neat to think about.
  It's also nice to see Perry playing it safe; any real editor would be worried about libel in that kind of situation, and asking for "hard facts" is totally warranted.
  
• 1:04:33 - I somehow can't see Lex Luthor wearing a rugby shirt. Particularly the sort of red-and-blue number that would have been in Clark's closet on "Smallville."
  Look at me, talking about "Smallville" in the past tense. Wishful thinking, I guess.
  
• 1:06:05 - Lois just beat up a reject goon from a a Chuck Norris flick.
  
• 1:08:20 - Perry follows Clark into the Storage Closet, interrupting his jump out of the window. An awkward conversation follows, in which this exchange occurs:

  Perry: Um. Well, I guess I'd better be getting back.
  Clark: Yes sir.
  Perry: When are you coming...out of the closet?
  Clark: Soon, sir. Very soon.

  Well, I guarantee there's a joke I didn't get in 1993.
  
• 1:09:10 - Strangely, Clark's more intimidating with his underwear on the outside of his pants.
  
• 1:16:17- And we come to the other scene I remember from this episode's first airing, the costume tryout montage, set to Bonnie Tyler's immortal classic, "Holding Out for a Hero." Strangely enough, I'm pretty sure I've had a soft spot for this song since before this episode aired.
  
• 1:16:20 - I actually like some of these costumes. It would have been neat, though, if some of them had been copies or sly shout-out versions of other established heroes. Sure, it would have been campy, but trying on a red and yellow-lightning-bolt costume and saying it's "too flashy" or a red-and-gold one with a short white cape that's "too cheesy" would have made for a fun scene. There's one that looks a bit like a Captain America costume, but I'm not sure it's intentional.
  
• 1:17:43 - Oh my god, that Superman costume has nipples! No, wait, it's just tight. They used the "S shield came from Krypton in the rocket" bit, which has grown on me in the last several years. They never really attach it to the costume though. It just kind of shows up there. Maybe it's iron-on.
  
• 1:20:11 - And Lois is stowing away on the space shuttle. It's actually really neat how many elements this story takes from the '80s and '90s Superman comics. It's clear that they made that a specific effort.
  
• 1:21:00 - At least Clark used a door on his way out.
  
• 1:22:24 - I like Superman's little hop through the door of the space shuttle. It's reminiscent of how George Reeves would jump into the scene to make it look like he was landing. It's nice and dynamic, if ever so slightly goofy.
  
• 1:23:30 - "I'm...a friend." I love that this line has become so emblematic of Superman's introduction. Was "Superman: The Movie" its first use?
  
• 1:25:05 - Superman's cape is sure doing a lot of flapping about in space.
  
• 1:25:34 - Perry: "I still don't believe it--a man who flies." Nice callback to the movie tagline.
  
• 1:25:51 - The first "Great Shades of Elvis" utterance. Superman carrying Lois in through the window is a decent effect, but his "I'll be around" line falls way flat.
  
• 1:27:23 - Superman gets a name, and makes his first confrontation with Lex Luthor. The gray mock turtleneck is the first thing Lex has worn in this episode that really looks like something he'd wear. With the possible exception of the tuxedo--but even that seemed a bit off.
  
• 1:29:12 - "By the way, if you need to find me, all you have to do is look up," quips Superman, in a nice callback to Lex's earlier comments about taking the high ground and liking that everyone in the city had to look up to him.

And that's the end of it. I'll admit, Dean Cain wasn't quite as good in this as I remembered him being, but it's also the first episode. His Clark is actually pretty good, but his Superman frequently came off flat, and there's not much effort to make the two characters distinct. One of the great things about Christopher Reeve, Brandon Routh, even Bud Collyer, is the effort they put physically and vocally into making Clark and Superman distinct. It takes that extra step to sell the secret identity, and this doesn't have that. Consequently, the "how can no one notice it's the same guy" complaint is particularly salient here.

The show has a distinct '90s feel, which is unsurprising, but it also feels a lot like the comics of the era. I like that, largely because I like the '90s Superman comics, but your mileage may vary.

They made some interesting casting and character decisions. Making Jimmy older and more wise-ass than naive kid was a good choice; making Cat Grant into a cougar, not so much. Perry works well here, and Ma and Pa Kent are great. Lex Luthor's a bit of a misstep; he's too much the playboy, not enough the mastermind or the ruthless businessman. Even when he's just killed his hapless lover, he doesn't feel menacing or even frighteningly aloof. He's just...bland.

And then there's Teri Hatcher, who's one of the best Lois Lanes we've ever had. A damn sight better than Margot Kidder, this Lois really set the stage for Dana Delany in the animated series, and even Erica Durance in "Smallville." Kate Bosworth would do well to steal a bit of this Lois's fiery personality for the next Superman flick, and that's coming from someone who didn't mind her performance in "Superman Returns."

The plot felt like it was "Man of Steel" #1 as written by Brian Michael Bendis. It didn't have the same sense of humor, per se, but it was structured in a similar fashion to the first few issues of "Ultimate Spider-Man," particularly with the extended Clark/Lois plotline. The show made a good choice to start in Metropolis rather than Smallville (or on Krypton), and that sets it apart from most adaptations. It also sets the mood for the show, which is trying to be more of a "Moonlighting"-style urban romance/comedy/drama than the typical superhero show.

Overall, it holds up a lot better than I expected. The effects are nothing to write home about, even in the '90s, but everything else is pretty spot-on. I think I may have to continue watching this even after Supermonth is over. I fully expected that my fond memories of the show were the result of rose-colored nostalgia glasses and an easily-impressed childhood, but the show actually works pretty well.

I may, however, stop watching before we get to the frog-eating clone Lois years. No amount of nostalgia can make me think that was good.