Evil is Relative

The Superman Family of comics is on a hot streak right now, and are better overall than they've been in a decade-plus. But right now the one that I'm cracking open as soon as I get home from the comic shop is Sophie Campbell's Supergirl, which is quite possibly the best series ever to feature a character with that name, Kryptonian or otherwise. 

I want to highlight just one detail in the most recent issue, Supergirl #3, because it shows a story trope we've seen a lot in the last several years, particularly with Supergirl, but gets it right in a way that few creators do. 

See, Supergirl gets hit with a beam powered by Black Kryptonite. As a result she turns into Satan Girl (and Krypto turns into a bad dog who sadly isn't given a name) and goes on a rampage through Midvale. This is a bit de rigueur for Supergirl; Satan Girl was an evil duplicate of her created by Red Kryptonite back in 1963, and Black Kryptonite made its first comic book appearance in 2006's Supergirl #5, where it created an evil duplicate of Supergirl. Since then, Supergirl's joined with H'el, become a Red Lantern, and been Jokerized, and I feel like I'm forgetting a couple of other "Supergirl goes bad" plotlines. It seems to be the go-to story for a character that comic writers often don't have any other ideas for. Which is a shame, because there's plenty of other drama to mine from Supergirl's core concept. 

Black Kryptonite is likely inspired by the synthetic Kryptonite in Superman III, where Gus Gorman substituted "tar" for the unknown ingredient. After exposure to the synthetic Kryptonite, Superman went bad, until eventually he split into two individuals and had a fight until they reintegrated.

"Superman goes bad" is a pretty familiar story beat in recent years, too, whether it's his post-resurrection brawl in the Snyder Justice League film or the Injustice universe version of the character who jumped from video games to comics to a crossover with the main universe's Jon Kent, or the various evil alternate versions like Brightburn and Homelander. And I get the interest in exploring the horror inherent to someone truly sinister having the practically unlimited power that Superman has. We see variations of those stories even with characters like General Zod and Lex Luthor, remorseless villains driven by megalomania.

What I appreciate about Superman III and Supergirl #3 is what they tell us about Superman and Supergirl. When loosed from the bonds of their morality, what do we see them do? Not murder, not world domination, not horrific violence.

No, instead they just become jerks.

Superman straightens the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Supergirl pantses a bunch of people. They do pranks and acts of vandalism. They do the kind of "evil" that a villain in a Care Bears cartoon would do. 

And that tells us something interesting, something fundamental about the Cousins of Steel: That at their core, there's not some world-dominating villain just barely restrained by the bonds of their steadfast moral codes. Cruelty and domination aren't in their nature. The worst they can muster is mean.

To me, this rings a lot truer than the murdergod stories. I'm sure there are people who would, if given the power and the freedom from guilt, go on a rampage. The current political situation makes that abundantly clear. But I think a lot more of us would just be more lazy, petty, hedonistic, and immature.

Which means that even when they've been turned evil, Supergirl and Superman are better people than their villains. And I appreciate that.

Superman & Lois - The Perks of Not Being a Wallflower

I was almost ready to comment on how this series is using single-word episode titles, just like "Smallville" did, but now we've got this mouthful playing on a book that was roughly contemporary with that show. It's pretty clunky, but whatever. 

It's nice that this episode gave us a break from the Luthor story, choosing instead to focus on Lois's investigation and some good character moments for the Kents and Lana's family. The mantra that "life is simpler in Smallville" gets an explicit repudiation, some fences are mended, and some new mysterious antagonists are introduced.

Spoilers ahoy! 

Superman & Lois - Heritage

I think I've figured it out. If "Lois & Clark" was "Moonlighting" with super-powers, "Smallville" was "Dawson's Creek" with superpowers, and "Supergirl" started as "The Devil Wears Prada" with superpowers, then "Superman & Lois" is "This Is Us" with superpowers. 

Spoilers ahead!

Two Girls, a Guy, and a Pastoral Place

Whoopsie, went a whole year without posting.

I very much enjoy the Arrowverse shows, even though the only episodes of Arrow I've seen are the crossover tie-ins. Legends of Tomorrow is a constant delight, Black Lightning is incredible, The Flash is good superhero melodrama, and Supergirl is fine. It's fine. It's generally mostly fine. 

Look, Supergirl started out strong on CBS, but since it moved to CW, it's been plagued by recurring problems. The cast is stellar. I love every actor and character on that show. Dreamer is a revelation, and I want to see her ongoing comic series (where maybe her powers will be slightly more clearly developed). 

But the politics? The recent episode dealing with violence against trans women (and trans women of color in particular) was a welcome and refreshing shift in the show's usual tone of Peak Liberal White Feminism. For a show that has its heart so clearly in the right place, tackling real-world issues like internment camps for immigrants and the radicalization of cishet white men into fascist paramilitary organizations, it has also featured a hero who, up until last season, was consistently working with a government organization and adopting center-left approaches that openly demonized actual leftists and ignored intersectionality in favor of a lily-white worldview. 

Buckle in, comrades. This is an anarchist blog now. 

There are other problems as well. The way they derailed the Kara-Jimmy relationship to pair her with Mon-El for a season, then fumbled around to find something to do with his character until he left the show, feels more than a little casually racist. I think there are legitimate queerbaiting complaints to be had about how they've handled the Kara/Lena relationship. Alex's shifting desires and priorities have felt less like character development and more like trying to figure out where she fits in the show now.

There's a lot of good, too, especially with some of this most recent season's course corrections. Killing Dean Cain's character offscreen was a hilarious solution to that unfortunate problem. I appreciated Brainiac-5's evolution that gave him a more comics-accurate Coluan appearance and removed some of the played-out "smart guy doesn't understand emotions" character type. I like that every time Lena says "Non Nocere" it makes me think of standing in a Buffalo Stance.

And I've liked Tyler Hoechlin and Bitsie Tulloch as Superman and Lois Lane, on the occasions where they've appeared. Tulloch isn't my favorite Lois, and I wish Hoechlin's costume had the trunks, but they've been quite good when they've shown up. And, you know, this is the first live-action Superman show with tights and flights and the word "Superman" in the title since 1997. I am, unexepctedly, excited for that. 

Besides that, it's a different take on the characters. Lois gets second billing, but rather than being a will-they/won't-they romantic dramedy, it's centered on Clark and Lois as an established couple and experienced parents of teenagers. Personally, I'd prefer the kids to be younger—Crisis changed their single infant into two teenage boys—but I suppose there are some story and tone reasons to prefer teenage kids. Overall, I think a lot of the choices are really savvy: setting the story in Smallville immediately sets this show apart from urban Supergirl, and the teens who cut their sci-fi melodrama teeth on Clark and Lois and Lex in Smallville are now in their thirties, settling down and having kids of their own. This show has the potential of tapping into that 20-year nostalgia cycle for the mid-2000s.

But...well, my excitement has been dampened somewhat in the lead-up to the premiere. Naturally, there's the stories Nadria Tucker has told about experiences in the writers' room, how they dismissed concerns about racism and sexism, about "#metoo jokes" and the like. There's also the optics; Supergirl is coming to an end next season, and it's hard not to feel weird about the diverse, female-dominated show about found family being more-or-less replaced with the nuclear family show whose principal cast is four white people, three of them dudes. I never really watched the trailer, but the response to it on my social media feed was largely negative (though for whatever reason, my social media feed is heavy on people who apparently aren't happy if Superman's not snapping necks in a rubber suit). On the other hand, I've seen really positive responses from two of the Superman fans I respect the most, Charlotte Finn and David Mann. And that clip of Hoechlin in the Fleischer suit and the Action #1 pose? Yeah, that's pretty cool. 

So I'm not sure what to expect as I finally hit up the ol' TiVo and watch the two-hour Pilot. But I'm about to find out. 

Rocket Trips #7: Superman (vol. 1) #146 - 1961

We're firmly in the Silver Age with this week's entry, "The Complete Story of Superman's Life," which begins much like last week's entry with the claim that "millions want to know" where Superman came from and how he got his amazing abilities. And the title page boasts that some of the facts have been revealed before, but this is the first time that the story has been told in full. So, here's 1961's Superman (vol. 1) #146!

Creative Team: Otto Binder and Al Plastino

All-Star Summary: Doomed planet. Desperate scientist. Last chance. Kindly couple. 

Key Elements: Superman is Earth's mightiest hero, with many amazing abilities. His story starts on the distant world Krypton, which orbits a red sun. Krypton was home to an advanced civilization with futuristic technology, as well as many fantastic creatures. Krypton is beset by damaging quakes, and Jor-El warns the Council of Scientists that these are signs that the planet will soon explode. Jor-El suggests that they build space arks to evacuate the planet, but the Council laughs at him and throws him out. Jor-El conducts experiments with small rockets, ultimately building one large enough for him and his wife Lara to send their baby son Kal-El to Earth. The rocket escapes just as the planet explodes, and the debris turns into radioactive Kryptonite. 

The rocket lands on Earth, and Kal-El is discovered by farmers Jonathan and Martha Kent, a childless couple living near Smallville. They leave the child with an orphanage, but plan to come back to adopt him. At the orphanage, the child displays superhuman strength. The Kents legally adopt him, and name him Clark, after Martha's maiden name. The child demonstrates amazing abilities, and by using the indestructible blankets he was found in, they're able to make clothes that can withstand his powers.

The Kents sell the farm and move to Smallville, where Clark starts school and eventually becomes the teenage superhero Superboy. He keeps his true identity secret, and begins wearing glasses (fashioned from the indestructible remains of his rocket) as a disguise. When neighbor Lana Lang begins to suspect that Clark is Superboy, he takes elaborate steps to protect his dual identity. Eventually he discovers that he came from the planet Krypton, which explains his amazing powers.

Clark grows up and goes to college, but realizes that maintaining a secret identity will require him to pretend to be meek and mild-mannered his whole life.

The Kents die shortly after Clark's graduation from college, but not before Pa instructs him to use his powers for the benefit of humanity. He decides to move to Metropolis, but when Superboy leaves, Smallville comes out to celebrate him. In thanks, Superboy bakes a cake so large that everyone in town can have a slice.

Clark Kent becomes a reporter for the Daily Planet, so he can learn about crimes as they happen. And when they do, he's off to save the world as Superman!

Interesting Deviations: While the story in The Amazing World of Superman mentioned Earth's yellow sun, this is the first origin we've examined that specifically noted the color of Krypton's sun. I'd be interested to know when that bit of lore entered the mythos. Clearly sometime between 1948 and 1961, and I would venture a guess that either Siegel or Binder was behind it.

It's fascinating how the demonstrations of Krypton's advanced civilization have changed over time. Originally it was that they had super powers, in 1948 it was that they could build amazingly fast flying machines, and here it's that they have robotic laborers and that they can remove the pollution from their atmosphere.

Given how Krypton's destruction has become an allegory for ignoring environmental catastrophe, this is an especially interesting element. 

This is the first mention we've had of Krypton's other fauna, in this case a metal-eater kept in a Kryptonian zoo behind glass bars. Ethics of such rudimentary zoos aside, I kind of wish it were a thought-beast instead.

The physics behind Krypton's destruction receive more elaboration here, with Jor-El identifying that the planet's core is made of uranium and that a chain reaction has begun, making Krypton into a "gigantic atomic bomb." Krypton's destruction being used as an allegory for the existential threats facing the contemporary world is, clearly, not a new phenomenon.

The reason for the Council's rejection of Jor-El's predictions has changed considerably from origin to origin, but this one is unique in my experience: the Council possesses a "Cosmic Clock" that predicts disasters, and it says Krypton will be safe.

There's a tendency in these origins to make it seem like Jor-El is a bit of a crank and a doomsayer, but I like that this story pushes in the opposite direction, making the Council look like fanatics, blindly trusting in this mechanical Nostradamus. You can see shades of how Brainiac gets involved in Krypton's destruction in The Animated Series.

It's 1961, and we've met another survivor of Krypton at this point, so we get a panel of Jor-El discussing his theories with his brother Zor-El, and a surprisingly lengthy editor's note linking the exchange to Supergirl's origin.

Also, assuming the Kryptonian calendar is like the American one, Krypton blew up on a Tuesday.

Speaking of 1961, the existence of the Space Race means that Jor-El's methods have come to mirror that of Earth space agencies. We see Krypto here for the first time in an origin story, and a mention that Krypto's rocket isn't the first test flight Jor-El has conducted. Beppo the Super-Monkey was introduced three years earlier.

We've seen in a couple of origins that Kryptonians were familiar with Earth, but here Jor-El discovers it himself. There's no mention here of trying to build it large enough to hold Lara as well. I think this is also the first origin we've looked at where Kal-El was verbal before he was launched into space.

Not only do we see Kryptonite mentioned here, but also the origins of Red Kryptonite.

Unlike most versions of the origin, here Kal-El is thrown from the rocket when it lands, but is unharmed because anything from Krypton is indestructible on Earth. Anyrhing except the rocket, which explodes due to its super-fuel, all of which seems like a pretty tremendous oversight on Jor-El's part. The rocket being destroyed was a frequent element in Golden Age origins, but I'm surprised to see it happening here in the era of "indestructible blankets became the Superboy costume." Though there's enough of it left for the Kents to recognize it as a space ship.

Kal is left on the doorstep of the orphanage under the cover of night. We see some of the classic feats of strength at the orphanage that we've seen before, but here they go unnoticed by the staff. The Kents, on the other hand, start cataloging his powers immediately. Though the sheer number of otherwise life-threatening situations the Kents allow Clark to get into makes them look pretty negligent.

We see the further influence of the popularity of Superboy stories here, as the Kents sell the farm and buy a general store in Smallville before Clark begins school. Clark adopts his Superboy identity after mastering all of his powers except flying, which he eventually conquers with the help of Pa Kent, some weather balloons, and a rope.

The story introduces the super-robots, Clark's secret tunnel out of town and the secret rooms he built in the Kent house, and his reunion with Krypto.

Clark's discovery of his abilities is notable first in that it repeats the justification given all the way back in Action Comics #1, using an ant and a grasshopper as Earth examples of creatures with strength like Superman's, and second in that it distinguishes between the powers he has due to Earth's weaker gravity, and the powers he has due to the yellow sun.

At the end, we get a neat little space-age addition to the old "It's a bird!" exclamation, inserting "a rocket" in there.

Additional Commentary: The issue starts with a brief run-down of Superman's powers and character, which culminates in this neat little panel. I'm always down for Superman, champion of the underdog.

The scenes of Clark leaving Smallville are almost verbatim what we'd see in The Amazing World of Superman, down to people saving their slice of cake and Superman becoming a citizen of the world.

It wouldn’t be entirely surprising that the 1973 origin would hew so closely to this one, except that the last section is really the only place where it does. The biggest deviation is Superman pledging his loyalty to the United States in this version, likely speaking to the greater Cold War tensions in 1961 than 1973.

The Rocket: We'll see variations on this version of this red-and-blue rocket in several origins, and to be honest we see at least a couple of variations (differing mostly in how pointed the nosecone is) in these panels. It's not particularly distinctive, but at least it has those retro fins and the color scheme. Three out of five exploding Kryptons.

Walking with Superman: Day 257

Spring Break is coming to a close, and it's time for the members of the Superman Family to head back to their respective routines. But as they pass over Groom Lake in Nevada--location of the government base known as Area 51--the whole group plummets, unconscious, from the sky. Waking to find themselves trapped in an empty, twisted Metropolis, they discover that they are armorless, weaponless, and powerless! Clark, Lois, Conner, Karen, Linda, John Henry, and Natasha stand against their manifested nightmares, and it soon becomes clear that a forgotten malevolence has awakened in the place called Dreamland. Trapped as they are, with no hope for escape and no way to fight against the darkness, it turns out that the very last thing that the Superman Family needs...is a Savior.

Walking with Superman: Day 256

It's a super-sized installment of Walking with Superman when Superboy returns to his old stomping grounds in Honolulu, Hawai'i--and he's brought the whole Superman Family with him! A lot has changed in the Tomorrow Teen's life since he left the Aloha State, and while he tries to recapture his youth, it seems like every rogue he ever faced is trying to recapture him! The Family of Steel has their hands full keeping the islands safe--Power Girl and Supergirl take on the DNAngels, with the help of Honolulu SCU's Inspector Sam Makoa and Det. Roxy Leech! Steel and Starlight help stop Kossak the Slaver's extradimensional attack on S.T.A.R. Labs, assisted by Mickey "The Mechanic" Cannon, the Technician, Tekka the Gadgeteer, Director Serling Roquette--and the Guardian?! Superman and Lois Lane check in on Rex Leech, recently-appointed Chairman of the reformed Superman Foundation, and find themselves up against Kekona the Demolishor--the miniature Menahune menace who nearly ended their Hawaiian Honeymoon! Meanwhile, Conner tries to reconnect with the people and places that made him who he is today, and remembers his friends and lovers he's left behind. If only Sidearm, the Silver Sword, and King Shark were willing to leave him to his quiet reminiscence! And if the Boy of Steel hopes to uncover the shadowy figure pulling the strings behind his rogues' convenient resurgence, he's going to need help from one of his oldest friends, who disappeared during the DNA diaspora, and is believed dead--the DNAlien called Dubbilex!

Walking with Superman: Day 255

Team Superman is headed toward Hawaii, but as they approach the island, Superman and Power Girl pick up a distress call on an old JLI communicator frequency! Descending to an uninhabited volcanic island just east of the state, the heroes discover a fortress, stacked floor to ceiling with mystical artifacts, futuristic technology, and discarded equipment from heroes and villains alike. Superboy recognizes the collection almost immediately--though it's no longer on the moon, this fortress is clearly the home of one of his oldest foes: the Scavenger! Despite the Teen of Tomorrow's trepidation, the only one trapped is the Scavenger himself! The aging cyborg has become a victim of his own collection, pinned beneath some collapsed pile of discarded deathtraps and doomsday devices! The Family of Steel may be able to save him from his collapsed collection, but to really help him, they need to cure his compulsion--and that task may be too much even for them!

Walking with Superman: Day 254

The Superman Family was heading west, planning on a short stop in Galveston Island along the Texas Gulf coast, but something went wrong along the way. Only Steel and Lois Lane awake to find themselves on the island--and under glass! Galveston has been transported to some strange new world, and these two displaced Metropolitans must find a way to restore it to its proper place! Meanwhile, Supergirl, Superboy, and Starlight find themselves forced to live out stereotypical roles on the set of a sinister teen sitcom, and there's no stopping this laugh track! Elsewhere, Superman and Power Girl are trapped in a deadly pinball machine, and one wrong move spells game over! It's all part of the Prankster's deadliest trick yet, but when the suckered superheroes learn the truth, their problems will suddenly seem a whole lot smaller...

Walking with Superman: Day 253

On modern maps, it is called Key West, but the Florida island's original name was Cayo Hueso, which translates literally to "bone key." Historians have developed hypotheses about the reasons for that ominous name, and only a few have even suspected the truth. But today, Dr. Barbara Minerva has finally discovered the Bone Key itself, and when she unlocks the Skeleton Door on one of the remote islands of the Key West National Wildlife Refuge, it unleashes the power of a forgotten animal god--a power that only the Cheetah can harness! As her bestial army advances on the inhabited islands, the Superman Family stands as the only line of defense! Superman and Superboy take on the terrible Turtle-Men! Steel and Supergirl combat the cunning Commandospreys! Meanwhile, it's up to Starlight and Power Girl to face the deified Cheetah! If they fall, so falls the human race!

Walking with Superman: Day 252

The revelers in Miami, FL, are generally more hedonistic than antagonistic, but when inhibitions run low and rival-school tensions run high, sometimes violence erupts. The brawl between some local University of Miami students and a group of visiting teens from Florida State would be enough cause for alarm, but these aren't just any students. These brawlers come from rival chapters of Iota Sigma, the international metahuman fraternity, and so their fight becomes a whole lot more than just collegiate fisticuffs! The Superman Family has their indestructible hands full trying to separate the rumbling rivals and protect innocent bystanders, but the unpredictable nature of the students' sprouting superpowers may make them more than Team Superman can handle!

Walking with Superman: Day 251

EdgeMusic, the cable music station arm of the Galaxy Broadcasting empire, has recently been more known for reality shows like "Gotham Shore" and "Meta Mom" than for actually showing music videos, but their annual Spring Break celebrations always manage to bring out the hottest artists on the Billboard charts, and this year's is no different. Today on the main stage in Miami's South Beach, the headlining band is the up-and-coming "Spellbinderz," whose meteoric rise up the charts has led to unprecedented success and acclaim. The elder members of the Superman Family don't quite see the appeal, but Conner, Linda, and Natasha are drawn into the huge crowd of teenage fans. But when the audience starts rioting at the band's command, it looks like the music has an even greater hold on the teens than anyone suspected! Now, it's up to Steel, Power Girl, and Superman to stop the mob of mesmerized minors--including Superboy, Supergirl, and Starlight! Meanwhile, Lois Lane investigates the source of the hypnotic rock, and finds herself face-to-face with the Spellbinder himself!

Walking with Superman: Day 250

"It'll be fun!"

"It's just...not my kind of fun, Conner."

"Come on, Clark! Linda's already packed, Kara's put together an itinerary, John Henry and Natasha are on-board, and I bet even Lois would be up for it. Besides, we've all had so much drama recently, I think we'd all benefit from a little break. Blue skies, yellow sunshine--"

"'Tanned bodies, polka-dot bikinis.'"

"Okay, maybe some of that, too."

"Like I said, Conner, it's just not my idea of a good time."

"Can't you just picture it, though? 'The Superman Family Vacation'! 'Super-Team Saves Spring Break'! 'S-Shield Swimwear Sweeps Nation'!"

"..."

"See, I knew you'd warm up to it. Look, I even got us matching sunglasses!"

---

The Superman Family is on Spring Break, and their first stop is Fort Lauderdale, Florida! But it's not all sun and fun for the Family of Steel, when Conner and Natasha Irons learn that someone's selling a snake oil super-power serum to unsuspecting students! Now, Lois Lane and the Teens of Tomorrow investigate the source of the elixir, while Superman, Steel, and Power Girl try to protect hundreds of intoxicated teens who think they're invincible!

Walking with Superman: Day 136

The Demon Mother Lilith has returned from the underworld, and her first stop is Leesburg, VA, home of the young woman who consigned her to Perdition years ago: Linda Danvers, the former Supergirl! Unfortunately for anyone wearing an S-Shield, Linda is nowhere to be found, but that won't stop Lilith from taking her revenge on Supergirl! Now Superman's on the hunt for his missing cousin, before a case of mistaken identity leads to her demonic dismemberment. Meanwhile, Kara finally learns about the legacy of her mantle, and Linda's old allies aren't about to let Superman defend Leesburg on his own. In fact, with all the familiar faces cropping up, there's just one question remaining: whatever happened to the lost daughter of the Superman family?

Walking with Superman: Day 127

Clark Kent returns home to Smallville to help Ma with the cooking for their big Thanksgiving dinner. Lois and Lana fly in from Metropolis, along with Lana's niece Linda, and Conner even brings his friend Lori over. Everyone settles in for a nice, calm, home-cooked meal...until a knock on the door brings an unexpected party crasher! On the doorstep, bloody and disoriented, and crackling with strange energy, is Lex Luthor. The Kent clan takes him in, but what brought him to Smallville? Why is he in such a terrible state? What do you suppose will happen when his former Vice President stops by? This year at the Kent farm, the turkey comes with a heaping side of drama!

Doomsday will Purple Rain

So, Doomsday is coming back. When the "Doomsday WIll Reign" teaser first broke, I rolled my eyes. Doomsday has existed for around eighteen years at this point, and yet he already feels played out. It's really a function of what Doomsday is, specifically that he doesn't have much depth. He started as an unintelligent, unstoppable force, designed (by the writers) to kill Superman. His second story gave him an origin (which, despite its terrible mangling of evolution, I don't really have many problems with), and his third story made him basically into DC's version of The Destroyer. After that, he showed up a few more times, but as far as I'm concerned the last Doomsday story that needed to be told was in "Superman" #175, where the Man of Steel finally confronted the now-intelligent monster, handily defeated him, and told him in no uncertain terms that he no longer feared him. And, of course, stories have since been told about Doomsday, none of them particularly good. So I was all ready to come into this post full of sighs and snarkiness about DC dredging up Doomsday for no good reason, rehashing old stories, and failing to let Superman have even a few months go by when his titles aren't embroiled in one crossover stunt or another.

But then I actually read the solicitations, and there's no Superman to be found. Instead, this "Reign of Doomsday" storyline seems to be starting in a "Steel" one-shot, then continuing in "Outsiders" (featuring the Eradicator), "Justice League of America" (featuring Supergirl), "Superboy," and some fifth to-be-announced title. And that actually intrigues me. Doomsday's not fighting Superman this time around, instead apparently going after the Superman Family, three of whom showed up as a result of Doomsday's first appearance (and Steel's origin is a direct result of Doomsday's attack). I wouldn't be surprised if the fifth book were "Green Lantern Corps" or a Cyborg Superman one-shot, but I also wouldn't be shocked to see "Adventure Comics" or "Legion of Super-Heroes" in that slot. Despite facing the JLA and Matrix/Supergirl early on, the vast majority of Doomsday's battles have been with Superman. It'll be quite interesting to see how the rest of the Superman family deals with Doomsday.

So interesting, in fact, that I'll be purchasing comics written by Dan Didio and James Robinson to find out.

You win this time, DC Comics.

Superman's Long Walk

Apparently Superman is going for a walk.

I don't have high hopes for Straczynski's run. Which is a shame, because the concept actually appeals to me.

If you haven't noticed, based on my undying love for "Superman Returns" and my as-yet-largely-unspoken love for It's Superman, my tastes in Superman stories run a little less conventional than most people's. There's a post in there someplace--probably a Superman Sunday, once I'm done with this Origins series and I've organized my thoughts a bit--but ultimately I generally really like Superman stories that focus more on Superman's character and how he relates to others. As much as I enjoy stories where Superman punches things, whereupon said things fall down, break, or explode, I think Clark Kent is a very interesting character and I'd like to see stories that utilize and challenge his character in addition to his muscles and abilities.

In that regard, "Grounded" sounds like my kind of story. The idea of Superman walking across America, dealing with the death of his species at the hands of his father-in-law, as he reconnects with humans and his adopted home, is the kind of character-focused story that seems like it'd be right up my alley. In fact, young Clark Kent did something similar before donning the Superman identity in It's Superman, which I may have mentioned that I really enjoyed.

Unfortunately, I've been reading Superman long enough to expect the worst from this arc, for a few reasons.

First, it's a big-name writer taking over a major Superman title for a super-hyped extended story arc that purports to change everything. In my experience, mostly from the last several years, that's a recipe for disaster. Last time, it was James Robinson, whose run was a mixed bag that was mostly mediocre, with some good ideas poorly executed (though mercifully spared from the garbage Robinson was apparently churning out in "Cry for Justice"). Before that, it was Johns and Donner; Johns' run wasn't terrible (though he used the same trick to revamp both the Toyman and Brainiac in adjacent storylines) but before Donner left, it was pretty rough going. The stories weren't terrible in a vacuum, but I think Donner's influence really amped up Johns' '70s Superman nostalgia-writing, which meant jettisoning any continuity or characterization that was inconvenient. Before that, Brian Azzarello and Jim Lee, both fresh off successful Batman stories, crafted one of the most incoherent and plodding Superman stories in recent memory. That was very shortly after Joe Casey and Stephen T. Seagle held half of the Superman titles in a long reign of boredom and incoherence. Now, I don't want to assume that there's necessarily a continuing pattern here, but it sure seems like the big-named major-hype Superman arcs turn out to be at best disappointing and at worst complete crap.

The upshot of the pattern is that, in nearly every case, the under-the-radar title(s) have been significantly better, sometimes to the point of being amazing. Rucka's Action Comics had some missteps, but was generally better than Robinson's Superman (and Robinson came on Superman right around the time that Johns was having his best arc on Action). While Johns and Donner were turning in some sub-par work, Busiek was rocking the house on Action Comics. While Azzarello wasted Jim Lee's time on Superman (and while Chuck Austen did what Chuck Austen usually does on Action Comics), Greg Rucka's first run on Adventures of Superman turned out some of the best Superman comics in years. Before that, Joe Kelly and Mark Schultz were turning in work that was consistently better than Casey and Seagle's books (even if it wasn't great). If the pattern holds, then Paul Cornell's run on Action Comics should be fantastic, and early reports (and his track record) seem to bear that out.

The other problem I have is that it feels like a bit of déjà vu. I realize it's kind of a nitpicky fanboy thing to criticize comics--in particular Superman comics--for doing a story that's been done before--especially in this case, when the last time was nine years ago, but I think it's worth mentioning.

Anyone remember "Our Worlds at War"? It was a major crossover event that spun out of the Superman books and revolved around the universe-destroying threat of Imperiex. It resulted in the death of Hippolyta, the apparent deaths of Sam Lane and Guy Gardner, and the destruction of the Kent farm (among other things...like Pluto). Afterward, Superman was distraught. His parents were missing, Earth had gone through a pretty terrible crisis, thousands of alien refugees had taken up residence on the planet, and oh, he had to team up with Darkseid and Lex Luthor to beat Imperiex. He spent an issue rebuilding the farm and contemplating how he could go back to being Superman after all the planet had lost. This led to a change in his costume (it was darkened, and most of the yellow was replaced with black) and a somewhat different attitude, for a time. The post-war month featured four stories displaying this new outlook, where Superman asserted humans' need to do some of the cleanup themselves, and he approached several supervillains with offers to change their ways (Major Disaster took him up on the offer, which led to his position on the Justice League Elite). Eventually, the Man of Steel even started seeing a psychiatrist.

Why bring this up? Besides being thematically similar, I think it shows one of the big problems with Straczynski's pitch: when "Our Worlds At War" ended, Superman did his moping and coping for a month (with extended ramifications that didn't impede his usual "save Metropolis from monsters and robots" mission). Four weekly issues of his regular title, which still had superhero action of the time-traveling, villain-fighting variety, as compared to twelve or thirteen monthly issues of Superman walking. This is a problem.

This is a problem because it looks like Superman's being taken out of circulation for another year. For those counting, that's three in recent history ("52," "New Krypton," and now "Grounded"). This is a problem because Superman only has two monthly titles running right now, and he won't be appearing in the other one for at least the first story arc. This is a problem because Superman has the most recognizable supporting cast in comics, and it appears to be yet another story that won't be using them.

And it's a problem because apparently it all starts with a woman blaming Superman for not curing her husband's brain tumor. Now, frankly, this is the kind of thing that might indeed make Superman feel bad. After all, the weight most frequently and heavily on his shoulders is his inability to save everyone. Still, Superman's come to accept that burden, having dealt with it as many times as he has. I suspect that his response to the woman would be something like, "Even with all of our powers, there are things that even superheroes can't do."

Do you know why I think that might be his response? Because that's what he told a kid with a brain tumor after Supergirl promised to save him. Seriously, this isn't a new thing for Superman, it's not even a new thing for Superman within the last two years. I don't necessarily expect Straczynski to have read the last couple of years' worth of Superman family comics before starting his arc (though I don't think that'd be an unreasonable expectation), but I expect someone to have done so. Maybe, I don't know, some kind of editor? Like maybe Mike Idelson, the editor for the Superman family of titles, who edited Supergirl #26 when that quoted exchange happened?

The Supergirl arc was actually quite good, exploring Kara's idealism and naivete and drive, while pitting her against the nasty side of human nature, the ridiculous motivations of comic book villains, and the necessities of comic plots. It also took only six issues, two of which had extended time travel sequence bits, and most of which revolved around the brilliant idea of using Resurrection Man's tektite technology to try to cure cancer (and eventually, to try to resurrect the child). Given the tone of the prologue, I don't suspect that's what we'll be seeing for the next year of "Superman."

I'm all for stories about Superman's pain over being unable to save everyone. I'm all for stories about Superman connecting with normal people, saving cats from trees, and so forth. I'm all for stories about the mythic, messianic aspects of Superman's character. I even understand how something that he didn't bat an eye at two years ago might, after he witnessed his people's genocide, have some greater impact on him. But I'm sick and tired of overlong stories where Superman is deconstructed in a vacuum, I'm sick and tired of people who don't understand the difference between serialized storytelling and complete stories released in installments. I'm sick and tired of Superman having to earn back humanity's trust (humanity, having just committed genocide, might want to think about who has justified trust issues). I'm sick and tired of Superman crying and moping, which has been the go-to attitude for Superman writers for years now. Is Smallville to blame? That Five for Fighting song? Or just some misguided idea that there's no drama in seeing Superman happy and doing amazing things with his superhuman abilities?

Saving cats from trees is something Superman does, but it's something he does in the middle of a battle against a giant nuclear robot about to destroy Metropolis. Could we maybe have a year or two where Superman just fights mad scientists, saves the world, loves his wife, and writes stories about it in the newspaper again?

The New Krypton Overview

I've been pretty open about my enjoyment of the New Krypton storyline in the recent past. Since I've recently (finally) caught up with the Superman comics, and since "War of the Supermen" is creeping ever closer toward the storyline's inevitable end, I figured it'd be a good time to mention some of the things I've liked--and a few that I've disliked--about "World of New Krypton" so far.

• Novelty:As I mentioned before, the thing I like most about this story is that it is one of those vanishingly rare things in a 70-year-old franchise: new. Bringing back a slew of Kryptonians who have ties to familiar characters, putting them on a New Krypton, and placing that New Krypton in orbit around Earth's yellow sun, thereby giving all the restored Kryptonians superpowers, is something that hasn't been done before (in canon, as far as I know). When I consider all the things that have happened to Superman¹--even in the short time I've been reading the series--that alone is enough to give this story a positive spin.
  
• Sci-Fi: I really like that Superman has been operating on a more cosmic scope. The sci-fi/space aspects of Superman's character sometimes get neglected, but this story has really allowed them to shine. Conflict with the Thanagarians? A locked-room murder mystery with Adam Strange? Freaking Jemm, Son of Saturn? It's nice having a high-profile cosmic character (who isn't mired in the War of the Light) again, and it's one of the reasons I'd like to see New Krypton stick around.
  
• The Kryptonians: Something I didn't realize before reading this arc was just how little attention had been paid over the years--at least the recent years--to characterizing any Kryptonians outside of the -El family. Even then, it's mostly just Clark and Kara; Krypton has been a planet of hats for most of its history, and the most characterization we've seen has been mostly to show how awesome Jor-El is compared to everyone else. "New Krypton" has given us a full-fledged society, with a caste system, religious traditions, political friction, and other individual quirks. We've gotten some particularly interesting individuals out of the mix as well: distraught technical genius Alura, demented doctor Jax-Ur, Clark's Labor Guild friend Tyr-Van, the Red Shard soldiers, even many of my issues with Zod have been mitigated by giving him a personality deeper than "revenge-obsessed megalomaniac." "World of New Krypton" has been utterly fantastic for fleshing out the titular planet, which I suppose would make it all the more upsetting if it got shoved back into a bottle or destroyed again.
  
• Useless New Characters: On the other hand, this crossover has given us a host of totally useless and uninteresting new characters. The biggest offenders in this case are Mirabai and Codename: Assassin, both of whom showed up as major players for months with no explanation of who they were or what they could do (and in the case of Mirabai, I'm still not sure what the hell the point of her is; even in those scant places where her story intersects the main one, the connection seems forced and unnecessary). While I suppose the argument could be made that this was a way of keeping the audience as in the dark as the main characters, it really just looked like someone either assumed we'd already be familiar with them, or that they were using ciphers to get around the limitations posed by characters who already have described power sets and motivations. I suppose, given that C:A is an obscure character pulled from comic book limbo, that both of these situations are accurate. I'm all for creating new characters and resurrecting forgotten ones, but there has to be some kind of reasoning and explanation; I spent at least one issue thinking that Mirabai was Sasha Bordeaux. Now I just have a hard time caring, since both characters are just terminally uninteresting.
  In addition to those two are the vast majority of officers on the Science Police force. I understand what Robinson has been attempting to do with them, making a Gotham Central-esque police ensemble with individual backgrounds and personalities, but he hasn't followed through on any of it. The only one to have gotten any real characterization is Billi Harper; everyone else is fairly interchangeable--including the two who have turned out to be sleeper agents. The problem--besides the general redundancy of the Science Police--is that we've seen very little of Mon-El's time with them. Every time he settles into his uniform, he ends up called away or kidnapped or on a whirlwind tour of international superheroics. Robinson's arc has been plagued by a multiplicity of good ideas carried out halfway. Any one of the stories we've seen so far would have been fantastic--Mon-El protecting Metropolis and working secretly for the Science Police, Mon-El traveling the world and experiencing the sort of life Superman gets to lead, Mon-El fighting against the machinations of Project 7734 with secret assistance from the Legion and the Daily Planet, Steel working with a new partner who secretly turns out to be Atlas--but instead we've had all of these stories, and only in the course of a year. Naturally, something (actually, a lot of things) is going to suffer, and it's been the characterization. Consequently, there's not much impact when it turns out that some of these characters weren't who they appeared to be, because they didn't appear to be much in the first place.
  
• Reactron and Metallo: I've been, for a long time, a kind of Metallo purist. I prefer the post-Crisis Byrne-era version of the character, as a skeletal metallic robot with a Kryptonite heart and the brain of a small-time thug. They've changed it up over the years; I kind of liked it when he had an indestructible skull that could take control of mechanical devices (although it made him far too similar to Cyborg); I thought his Brainiac 13 upgrade had some cool visuals to it, but I've never cared for the green-faced human-skinned version that dominated his pre-Crisis incarnation, and I only cared for the animated version after his skin sloughed off. So it's a little surprising to me that I like the newest version, with a heart of just one kind of Kryptonite, a human-like exterior, and some odd-looking green armor. Part of it is because I like the notion that the government's weapons against Kryptonians include Kryptonite-powered villains, but the bigger part is that I really like Reactron (and that he's got a Gold Kryptonite heart, and that Gold-K isn't permanent anymore), and I think it's fitting that the government would outfit similar soldiers in similar uniforms. Metallo works best as a thug working for someone, and for this, Sam Lane is as good an employer as any.
  
• Squad K: I know these guys were introduced during Kurt Busiek's run, but it's good to see them active again, and with a more wide-reaching purpose than when there were only a half-dozen or so Kryptonians around. I don't care for the recent uniform change, since it makes them less distinctive visually, but it does seem to be a reasonable function-over-form change.
  Science Police: Again, granted, the SP debuted (in the current era) earlier in Robinson's run, but it's during New Krypton that they've been really fleshed out. I frankly can't see why they aren't just the SCU. I don't like having superfluous organizations in comics; it bugs me. It bugged me when Wonder Woman invented the Department of Metahuman Affairs, given the existence of the Department of Extranormal Operations--until they eventually explained that the former is a subdivision of the latter. So far, I haven't seen how the Science Police integrate with the Special Crimes Unit and the rest of the Metropolis Police Department. If I had to guess, I'd say that the SCU is an investigative body, and while they used to handle major metahuman battles and such, the Science Police has been created as a sort of SWAT team related to but independent of the SCU. But I'd like some official word.
  
• Superwoman: I love the new Superwoman costume, and I've liked the Superwoman concept ever since the first time I saw an image of Kristin Wells. In fact, she remains one of the few Elliot S! Maggin innovations that I've really enjoyed. The "Who is Superwoman" mystery was fun, and I like the idea of having a human double-agent operating on Krypton.
  
• Lucy Lane: That being said, did it have to be Lucy Lane? Everything about this portrayal of Lucy has come out of left field, from her ruthless vindictiveness to her apparent lack of husband and child. Her death was gratuitous, but not quite as gratuitous as the casual murders she's committed since being resurrected. I'm not sure why they've decided to give her superpowers, and I'm certainly not sure how her character could possibly recover from all this.
  
• Steel: I love Steel. He's been the single best addition to the Superman family, and one of the best additions to the DCU, in the modern age. What I don't love is when he's treated like a total chump, which has been par for the course recently. He gets tricked, then trounced, by Atlas; he spends time in a coma (again); and overall he really hasn't been the presence that he should be in Superman's absence.
  
• This page: On the other hand, I love this page:
  
  Precisely because of how much it evokes this page:
  
  
• Natasha Irons: Between the Captain Atom backups and the Mon-El conspiracy stuff, Natasha Irons has really had a chance to shine. Between her stint as Steel, her superpowered turn in Infinity, Inc., and now her time in deep cover in Project 7734, she's really come into her own as a competent, formidable heroine. We're a long way from the bright teenager who reprogrammed Kelex to speak Ebonics.
  
• Mon-El: I straight-up love Mon-El, so any time he can get more exposure is fine with me. Joining the Justice League might be a bit much, and I haven't cared for the unexpected and unnecessary "I'm dying/losing my powers!" plot devices, but otherwise I've been pretty happy with how Mon-El has been characterized and utilized here. It's a far cry from Valor, that's for sure.
  
• Chris Kent's SORAS: Chris Kent was the best thing to come out of the Johns/Donner collaboration a couple of years ago, though he was used better in Busiek's books than in the main story. I'm glad to see him back, but did he have to get the Soap Opera Rapid-Aging Syndrome in the process? It'd be one thing if he were an immature mind in a young adult body (after all, both Superboy and Impulse pulled that schtick off for years), but apparently suddenly losing a few years of childhood in the Phantom Zone happens to grant maturity and intellect beyond one's years. Still, Chris is still a pre-teen by my reckoning, and that makes his relationships with Lois and Thara really, really weird. If they were going to reintroduce Nightwing and Flamebird, I'd almost wish they'd used a different character (Van-Zee) than add these weird wrinkles to Chris's history. It's a shame, because I actually like the way the Chris/Thara romance is portrayed; I just wish it didn't have the spectre of Zoltar hanging over it.
  
• Nightwing and Flamebird: And unfortunately, the rest of the Nightwing and Flamebird arc doesn't offer much as a distraction. It's a shame, because I like almost all of the ideas that go into the Nightwing and Flamebird story. I like the expansion and fleshing-out of Kryptonian mythology. I like the idea of outlaw Kryptonians acting as heroes to improve relations with humans. I like the idea of Kryptonian sleeper agents, which is a great twist on the basic Clark Kent disguise concept. The costume changes have been more than a bit much (especially since the first costumes were easily the best, albeit short-lived). What I don't like is how disconnected the arc feels from the main story. When you have a crossover like this, it helps to have all the different pieces leading to the same eventual end. Yet, while Mon-El and the Legion have just joined the battle on Krypton against Brainiac, Thara and Chris are out fighting a facsimile of Rao in Iraq.
  What I've realized is that the Nightwing/Flamebird arc should be an epilogue. This is the kind of story that spins out of a crossover, where newly-introduced heroes pick up the pieces left over from the major story. This is "From the pages of 'World of New Krypton': Nightwing and Flamebird in their own ongoing series!" It's "Valor" or "Anima" or "Warlock and the Infinity Watch." What it isn't, and what it shouldn't be, is a main component of the crossover itself. This has hamstrung the story to some degree, as it's working through what ought to be an ongoing story told leisurely, but must be done quickly and with frequent crossovers into the other titles in order to work as a part of the main story.
  
• Silver Banshee: Hey, the regular Silver Banshee came back! And people remembered her actual backstory and powers, rather than just making her an evil version of Black Canary! That's pretty awesome. I dig the Silver Banshee, and I like the idea of pitting Supergirl up against her. The great part of it is that Banshee can kill someone if she knows their true name, but Supergirl's having an identity crisis where her "true name" might be one of any number of things. That's a clever concept, and it might be nice to see it picked up again in the near future.
  
• Supergirl: Speaking of Supergirl, I think it's safe to say that her comic has never been better (at least, not in this incarnation of the character). Where once she was a floundering cipher with no real identity, now she's burdened with an overabundance of them. Torn between Lana and Alura, between civilian and superhero and Kryptonian, Supergirl is in the midst of the kinds of conflict we ought to have seen since she crashed on the planet. I hope Sterling Gates sticks around for a good long time.
  
• Lana Lang: I really like the idea of Lana taking Supergirl under her wing, especially since it gives Lana a more stable and interesting position in the Superman family. Since the Crisis, she's been kind of a third wheel, the person who knew Clark's secret but never really got to be part of the club. Her appearances have often portrayed her as mopey and pining, as though she never really moved on after Clark left. Even when she was married to Pete Ross, it was clear that he was second place. Recently, the writers have done a fantastic job of making her a stronger, more independent character, giving her a position atop LexCorp and separating her from Pete as a clear indication that she's leaving Smallville in the past, where it belongs. Taking care of Supergirl has been an interesting step in the right direction; it allows Lana to be part of the Superman family without having to be directly connected to Clark, and thus, looking like a stalker or like someone who's terminally trapped in high school. It's a good fit for both characters: Lana gets to put her experience dealing with adolescent superpowers and secret identities to good use, and Kara gets a parental figure who isn't a superhero.
  That's really not the problem; the problem during New Krypton is that the Insect Queen-caused sickness in Lana has forced her into a position of being deceptive, weak, and dependent--precisely the kind of things which have hampered her character in the past. The drama that came from her illness felt a little forced, but I liked the way it was resolved. I mostly just wish it had happened at a time when the characters could deal with it as a main concern, rather than having it shoved to the sidelines by the big Krypton crossover.
  
• Insect Queen: What can I say? I love the new Insect Queen.
  
• This conversation: And the whole Lana thing is worth it to see the fire come back. Her ball-busting speech with Supergirl here was a highlight of the most recent Superfamily books.
  
  
• Matter-Eater Lad: I'm not a fan of the adult Legion, really. I think the Legion tends to get bogged down when it's more about marriages and divorces and children than about teenage alien superheroes fighting crime and prejudice in the future. I liked "Superman and the Legion of Super-Heroes" well enough, but that's not the "real" Legion to me.
  
  That being said, Matter-Eater Lad is frigging awesome, and his reveal in the Mon-El story was nothing short of fantastic.

It's a mixed bag, and I think there have been some serious missteps along the way, but overall I like the story, and I can't wait to see where it's going. I just hope we can end all this without completely restoring the old status quo.

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1. Losing his memory, losing his powers (at least twice), having his powers go out of control, exiling himself to space, getting mind-controlled (repeatedly), dying, resurrecting, getting body-swapped, being tried for Krypton's destruction, faking his death, taking over the world, getting new powers, getting split in two, having his city destroyed then rebuilt then upgraded then downgraded, and on and on and on.

It's been done before, but...

I'd really like to see a return of the Metropolis Mailbag--you know, the old tradition where Superman would take Christmas Eve to answer all the letters sent to him over the course of the year and do his best to fulfill those wishes? I can't remember the last time it happened, though it's entirely possible that it was during the "World Without a Superman" arc, where various heroes filled in for the Man of Steel's annual duties while he was temporarily deceased.

Granted, since Superman's absent this time too, it might feel like a re-hash. But I think it would be a good opportunity to explore some of the current status quo in a more laid-back setting. Mon-El's portion of the story would naturally be about him trying to fit in and understand Earth culture better, Nightwing and Flamebird's story would be about trying to fight against anti-Kryptonian sentiments, and it'd be nice to cap it all off with a big, solemn Christmas dinner at Ma Kent's house, with Conner, Kara, Lana, and Lois, all remembering everyone they've lost in the last year.

I'm enjoying the whole World of New Krypton arc, and I look forward to "War of the Supermen" in spite of the hideous cover and the dodgy concept of making it a Free Comic Book Day book, but it'd be nice if the Superman books would remember that the low-key character-building issues are a major component to making a memorable and high-quality crossover event. It's not much use having a new status quo if you're not going to use it.

Supermonth: Supergirl Liveblogging

I remember watching Supergirl years and years ago, and being generally pretty confused by it. I only have vague impressions left; something about Argo City being underwater, and the Omegadrome, and a cardboard cut-out of Superman. All that's about to change, though, as I pop the DVD into the player and liveblog (so to speak) the flick from start to finish. Join me, won't you?

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The opening titles are actually pretty well done; reminiscent of the Superman films without feeling too derivative. Also, very sparkly. Mia Farrow's in it? Interesting. And Peter O'Toole!

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Is it bad that I cringe whenever I see one of the Salkinds' names these days?

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All right, so we've got some kind of city in a crystal mountain, where people are dressed like it's the Valley of the Dolls. And I think I just heard someone called "Leia."

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Apparently Zaltar, O'Toole's character, is some kind of crystal sculptor. Kara approaches him, asking what his new creation will be; he says "I think, a tree," which brings to mind a bit of Joyce Kilmer (and to my heathen mind, a bit of Yip Harburg) and sets Zaltar up as some sort of god figure. We'll see if that pans out.

Anyway, Kara asks what a tree is, and Zaltar tells her it's a lovely thing which grows on Earth. "Earth, you mean where my cousin went?" You know, I've never been keen on the idea that Kara knew where Kal-El was sent prior to her own journey; maybe it's just because in the Silver Age, she watched him through a telescope, which defies more physical laws and principles than most of her powers put together, but it's always kind of rubbed me the wrong way.

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Zaltar wants to visit Earth himself, using the "binary chute," but Kara warns that he'd never survive the pressure. He thinks about going to Saturn instead, and then chastizes Kara for not thinking sixth-dimensionally. See, Saturn and Earth are in outer space, while Argo City is in inner space. Well, that clears everything up quite nicely. Wait, what?

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Zaltar shows Kara the Omegahedron (not Omegadrome, which I recall now is the thing that made Cyborg all gold and liquidy), the city's power supply, which he'd "borrowed" from "the Guardians." It's a spinning ball that glows and produces a light show similar to the Cosmic Key.

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Zaltar says "I think that I shall never see the branches of a living tree;" now I'm pretty certain that the Kilmer reference is intentional. The Omegahedron cannot create life, only the illusion or shadow thereof. Alura, Kara's mother shows up, and Zaltar creates a bracelet for Kara with his orange plastic wand, saying something about "inventing miracles." If the God thing isn't intentional, then the writers lack any sense of symbolism.

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Zaltar apparently founded Argo City, though he wishes to leave, wondering what lies beyond the city walls. He has decided to go to Venus, and he surreptitiously kicks the Omegahedron over to Kara, who uses it to animate the dragonfly she created with the orange wand. I'm sure only good can come of this.

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The dragonfly rips through a window, which appears to be made of wax paper, and the city begins to explosively decompress. Kara is slammed up against the hole. Some guy who looks an awful lot like Topher Grace shouts her name and rushes to save her, then Zaltar fixes the window with his wand. Apparently the Omegahedron went out the window, giving Zaltar the excuse he needs to leave the city, to look for it. While he's chatting, Kara gets into the chute, and the lotus-petals close up around her to form a pod. She leaves the city, via some kind of gravitational radiation, from inner space to outer space, and according to her parents, she'll never be the same again. If you're wondering why, join the club. Zaltar, as penance for losing the Omegahedron, suggests that he must be placed in the Phantom Zone.

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Kara's pod zips through inner space (I guess) alongside some pretty trippy special effects. Kind of "Willy Wonka boat ride" trippy, not quite "the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey" trippy. I guess that means it's only half-full of stars.

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We cut to two WASPs enjoying champagne on a high-class picnic. Selena, Faye Dunaway's character, muses about how awesome the world is, and how she can't wait until it's all hers. Peter Cook, her companion (who sounds an awful lot like Alan Rickman), suggests that the only way she can rule the world is to become invisible. What? He then explains how to do so, apparently, which involves a dead man's head and several black beans. Apparently he's some kind of wizard, and Selena's trying to discover the secrets of black magic.

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The Omegahedron falls from the sky and lands in Selena's soup. The parallels to the Masters of the Universe movie continue.

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Selena picks up the ball and starts to recite some kind of immortality spell. She then dismisses Nigel, gets into the car, and uses the Omegahedron to start it (since Nigel's still holding the keys). On the radio, we hear that Superman has set off on a peace-seeking mission to a galaxy that may be hundreds of billions of light years away. Kara, you have absolutely the worst timing.

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Kara's pod opens up, and she comes out, then flies out of a pond, dressed in her Supergirl costume. Okay, wait, what? When did she get underwater? Where did she get the costume? Somehow, I doubt that I'll be given any satisfying answers to these questions.

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Testing her new powers, Supergirl picks up a flower, then uses heat vision on it, which for some reason causes its petals to open up. She then discovers she can fly, and dances around in the air in a sequence that's actually pretty cool. The whimsicality of the Superman family, particularly with regard to how fun and awesome flying is, isn't explored often enough. The scene honestly reminds me of a more low-key version of that bit in Superman Returns where young Clark is jumping around the cornfield.

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The bluescreen flying effects are less impressive. Helen Slater reminds me a bit of Alicia Silverstone.

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There's a gorgeous shot where Supergirl is standing in front of a body of water at sunset, doing the classic Superman arms akimbo pose, with her back to the camera. If nothing else, the cinematography is pretty good so far.

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Selena returns to her...um, abandoned funhouse, which I assume she got real cheap from a police auction of the Joker's property. She calls out, and I swear it's for "Ianto." I guess this must be Torchwood Five or something.

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Oh, Bianca.

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Bianca comes in and suggests that they start their own coven in order to pay the bills. She suggests charging $5 a head for membership fees, which leads me to wonder just how popular covens are in this town. It's that damn Wiccan mafia, I tell you.

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Cut to Supergirl flying above the city, when her bracelet starts beeping and blinking. Why did Zaltar give her a signal watch? And if she asks him, will he make her big? She lands, and a semi comes to a stop in front of her. Two skeezy men emerge, making typically chauvinistic remarks to the Maid of Might. She naïvely greets them and asks where she is. The men respond that she's on "Lover's Lane." Great, another "LL" in the Superman mythos. I don't know what's dumber here: that two truckers are going to try to take on a girl dressed like Superman, or that Supergirl's bracelet apparently has an alarm that notifies her of good places to get sexually assaulted.

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One of the men tugs her cape aside to get a look at her rear; the other one turns out to be Max Headroom. No, really. Supergirl explains that she's Superman's cousin, and that she's looking for the Omegahedron, the Macguffin that powers Argo City. This exposition doesn't fail our intrepid truckers, who are unwavering in their noble quest to score some Kryptonian jailbait this night. In the middle of a street, no less. You can probably predict what happens: Supergirl lifts Sid the Squid up by his chin, accompanied by the usual bone-cracking sound effects we've come to expect from Kryptonians using their powers on muggles normal people, and she asks why they're doing this. Big Russ's response: "It's just the way we are." Well, there's some anvilicious dialogue for you. That's right up there with Sandman.

Sidenote: I vaguely remember this same thing happening in the Superman/Batman arc that introduced the newest iteration of Supergirl. Except that Kara was naked at the time. But I'll check that when I get the chance.

Supergirl blows Matt Frewer...into a fence, with her super-breath. For some reason, the other trucker pulls out a switchblade and tells her she "shouldn't have done that." He is similarly unfazed when she uses heat vision on the knife. It's like he's consumed by bloodlust, only for sex...if only there were some term for this strange sex-lust.

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Supergirl kicks him in the junk. He goes flying into a pile of garbage, and the Girl of Steel takes to the skies. And yet, the trucker must be wearing a frigging kryptonite cup, because he lethargically suggests (not even in falsetto!) that they don't mention this to anyone.

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Selena's holding a party, and she claims that the attendees are her army of the night. This is the most incredibly '80s army of the night ever. No army of the night in history has featured so much Jheri Curl and so many white sportcoats with the sleeves rolled up. I was pretty much instantly reminded of this:That's right, a Hocus Pocus reference.

So, she lights Peter Cook's cigarette with her finger as a demonstration of her awesome powers. He shows her...something; it's not clear what, apparently to demonstrate that ambition is dangerous. As a response, she toys with one of the partygoers, again to demonstrate her amazing abilities, which now extend to telekinesis and beverage-based scorpion-generation. She sends Nigel away angrily.

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We cut to a forest, where Supergirl is asleep on the ground, wrapped in her cape. She wakes up and bids a rabbit good morning. Then, all the woodland creatures help her make a pretty new dress so she can impress Prince Malverne at tonight's ball.

No, wait, scratch that last part. A couple of kids run in to retrieve a lost softball, then return to the diamond, which appears to be separated from Supergirl's sleeping place by a single row of trees. She starts watching the game, seemingly surprised to find it. Because, you know, someone with incredibly sharp super-senses can't possibly hear a loud softball game being played thirty feat away. Supergirl may be the world's soundest sleeper.

She checks out one of the girls in the audience, who appears to be wearing some kind of school uniform. Somehow, by walking behind various trees, Supergirl is able to change her costume into a matching uniform and backpack, and turn her brunette to boot. By comparison, Superman's superweaving skills are like the guy who learns how to sew buttons back onto his shirts before he goes to college.

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Sidenote: I think I've linked to that super-weaving page more often than any other single page on the web.

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Supergirl, incognito, goes into some kind of private school and begins looking around. The name "Danvers" is dropped fairly casually by a passing student; it apparently belongs to the headmaster or principal or whatever. Supergirl says she's a new student; and noting a portrait of Robert E. Lee on the wall, gives her name as "Linda Lee." You know, I want to go to a private girls' school where the headmaster has a picture of a Confederate general on the wall; I imagine there would be nothing but totally progressive values in such a place.

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Nigel barges in to complain about all the nasty new Gryffindors students, who have played pranks on him. While the headmaster is out of the room listening to him grousing about his Potions class, Linda forges a letter from Clark on the typewriter and sneaks it into Danvers' file. How did Linda find out her cousin's Earth name?

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Holy crap! Girls in bras! That's honestly racier than I expected. And girls in bras with towels inexplicably wrapped around them from chest to knee. That's...more bizarre than I expected. Linda gets a tour of the campus, including the "girls who lounge around in their underwear" dorm that exists solely in movies and college males' dreams. Linda gets placed in a room with Lucy Lane. What a coinkidink! Danvers puts two and two together about their relatives working together on the same paper. Strangely, though Lucy claims that she was supposed to have a single, the room is clearly a double, and Lucy has decorated it as such, including signs that say "It's mine beyond this line." She also appears to be reading a She-Hulk comic.

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Linda sees a poster of Superman on Lucy's wall; I may have misremembered the cardboard cut-out. Lucy offers to introduce Linda to Superman. Irony!

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Selena's playing a game of "He loves me, he loves me not" with Tarot cards, and comes to the conclusion that people will do anything for love. Thus, she concludes, she's going to make everyone fall in love with her. Some kind of tchotchke on the armrest starts pulsating, and the camera cuts briefly to show Linda in class nearby. Eventually, Supergirl's bracelet starts blinking and beeping, and she uses X-Ray vision to see Selena's car driving away. She is about to leave when Professor Snape chastizes her.

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After class, Linda and friends are playing what I can only assume is field hockey. One of the other girls is apparently trying to kill Lucy Lane for no reason besides pure malice, and Linda rushes in to save her, allowing the field hockey ball to shatter against her body. And then, girls in the shower! And girls peeping on other girls in the shower! And the mean girls are fiddling with the pipes in order to give the girls a good scalding. Ah, the wholesome fun of an all-girls prep school. Linda, naturally, turns the tables on them with a bevy of super-senses and some heat vision, leading to their eventual humiliation.

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Lucy offers to pierce Linda's ears. That can only lead to great things, I'm sure. It'll be like those old comics where Jimmy tries to cut Clark's hair. Oh, and Lucy's in a bra again. And Linda's putting a bra on over her uniform...and stuffing it. What the hell?

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Speaking of Jimmy, Lucy talks about how she's having him come up from Metropolis.

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Linda Lee is Willow Rosenberg. Especially in her voice.

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According to Linda's map, Midvale is near Peoria, IL. Next thing we see is Supergirl on a flying tour of Chicago. At least they're not trying to pretend that Chicago is Metropolis or anything. I'm glad that the modern films have been better about masking their locales; no more Statues of Liberty in Gotham and Metropolis.

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Selena's making a love potion. Kind of makes me wonder what the heck the point of the flying scene was. Gosh, this movie's long...there's still over an hour left.

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Oh, right, Bianca.

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Selena lures a landscaper into her secondhand hideout and gives him a dose of the love potion. Then Nigel shows up, wearing what appears to be a Members Only jacket.

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Ye gods, I can't imagine how boring it must be to be reading this. Especially if you're not watching the movie while doing so. Many apologies.

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The landscaper wakes up in a daze and ends up walking through the still-active haunted house; Nigel tries to talk Selena into doing something with Mosaic. I didn't realize that Green Lantern was going to show up.

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Jimmy Olsen takes Lucy, Linda, and his friends out for a classy dinner at a generic fast food restaurant. They happen to see the love-potion-struck fool staggering through the street. Apparently he hasn't looked up from his shuffling feet since he left the funhouse, since he's supposed to fall madly in love with the first person he sees. Also, since he's not kissin' everything in sight, this must be Love Potion No. 7 or something, not #9. Lucy calls him a dingleberry; Linda asks what a dingleberry is. Oh Linda, be very glad that Lucy didn't explain it to you.

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Jimmy pops by to offer some anti-drug propaganda from behind his bowtie and sweater-vest. Jimmy, you're a tool.

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Selena uses the Omegahedron, which is either stuck inside a dragon-shaped box, or has grown to be shaped like a small leaden dragon tchotchke, to send an earth mover chasing after her lovestruck gardener. In the entirety of the chase, he apparently sees no one. Lucy runs out to climb into the runaway piece of construction equipment, hoping to stop it. Instead, she's knocked rather easily unconscious, while calamity ensues all around her. Cue Linda's quick change in the bathroom.

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Supergirl surveys the area, apparently trying to figure out which problems to stop first. She actually manages to take care of things pretty efficiently. Supergirl changes to Linda for some reason before opening up the jaws of the earth mover (having taken it away from the chaos), and naturally he falls in love with her. Selena, watching through her magic mirror, is terribly upset. This naturally could have been avoided if she'd chased after him in a car rather than trying to remote control construction vehicles to capture him. Don't supervillains ever do anything simply?

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Somehow, despite watching the whole thing through a magic mirror, Selena and Bianca miss that Linda and Supergirl are the same. She sends some kind of spell to kill Linda or something.

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Supergirl shows up to fight the invisible wind or monster or something. It's invisible, and it's stormy, but it's not totally clear what the threat is supposed to be.

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Okay, it's invisible Godzilla. Supergirl stops it (revealing its shape in the process) with a makeshift lightning rod that generally defies the physics of lightning rods.

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Linda finally figures out that the bracelet is a kind of tracking device for the Omegahedron. She follows it to the funhouse, where the gardener-stalker shows up with chocolates and roses.

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Lovestoned landscaper gets a name--Ethan--and continues talking in wannabe Elizabethan. He proposes to Linda, and they both act kind of dumb.

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Selena starts spinning the lovebirds on a magically out-of-control Tilt-A-Whirl. Linda, as you might expect, disappears, and Supergirl drops in shortly thereafter. So far Selena still hasn't made the connection. She's not particularly bright. She also claims to be a "Siren of Endor," which I think means she's supposed to be a tall, bald Ewok.

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To demonstrate her awesome power, Selena tries to kill Ethan. With bumper cars. Supervillains are dumb.

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"You got hit on the head with a coconut." "Supergirl" = "Gilligan's Island."

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Selena has brought Nigel in to teach her Occlumency or something. He uses the Elder Wand to help her with the Omegahedron, and together they capture Ethan just after he apparently figures out Supergirl's identity.

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Selena feels up Nigel so she can steal the Elder Wand (or whatever), and uses it with the Omegahedron to make Nigel look like a hobo in drag. She also turns her funhouse into a mountaintop castle with a decor strangely similar to the Luthor place in "Smallville"Selena entrances Ethan and puts Supergirl into the Phantom Zone, complete with the classic spinning square motif. Which is actually pretty cool. The glass pane breaks, and Supergirl is in a dark, barren wasteland of a world, which is (I presume) the movieverse Phantom Zone. She quickly discovers that her powers are gone completely. So she starts walking. I know it's not going to happen, but I think it'd be pretty awesome if she ran into Mon-El or some Phantom Zone prisoners. So far, though, she just falls into a tar pit.

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Selena's driving through the city, where some of the college students (Lucy included, also Jimmy) are protesting her. She really asserted her omnipotent dominance over Midvale rather quickly.

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Wow, maybe we will get to see some Phantom Zone prisoners, because someone just pulled a sleepy Supergirl out of the muck.

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Oh, it's Zaltar. He offers her a "squirt," which is less dirty than it sounds, and he's clearly gone a bit mad, or at least a bit depressed.

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There's a way out of the Phantom Zone, but it's impossible. Which I'm pretty sure means there's no way out. Eventually Supergirl's super-perkiness convinces him to help her try to escape via some kind of singularity or something.

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One thing I'll say about Selena, she knows how to pace herself. Some villains are all "Today the city, tomorrow...the world!" but she's all, "Today Midvale, by the end of the week the contiguous bits of North America, and after that we'll see." Good for you, Selena. Don't spread yourself too thin.

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Supergirl and Zaltar make their way through Disney's The Black Hole, while Selena tosses fireballs at them from afar. That doesn't do much, so she decides to summon "the demon storm." Zaltar sacrifices himself to let Kara go on without him, and the god parallels from earlier go largely unfulfilled, except maybe in some Nietzschean way, but it's been awhile since I read Zarathustra, so I can't be sure. Supergirl escapes and flies into Selena's lair. Selena threatens the lives of Kara's friends, as you might expect, and Supergirl neutralizes her trap, as again you might expect. Supergirl demands the Omegahedron, but Selena uses it to power up the Elder Wand so she can do some flashy but ultimately lame magic tricks to the general environment. In the meantime, I should say that it's really a good idea to have a magical villain in this flick. It allows for some more entertaining encounters than you get with the traditional beat-em-up of superhero flicks. I wish one of the Superman sequels would remember his other weakness like this does.

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Selena summons Stampede to stop Supergirl. There's some weird stretching, and Supergirl's writhing in pain, but she hears Obi-Wan Zaltar's voice in her head and it gives her the resolve to call on the Strength of the Bear and break free. Ethan disturbs the Omegahedron, and Nigel tells Supergirl to "confront her with it," which is singularly vague advice. Somehow, Selena and Bianca--who really feels like a bystander in all this--are sucked into the magic mirror, and the monster vanishes. That's kind of a confusing climax.

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Supergirl takes the Omegahedron and swears Jimmy and Lucy to secrecy about her existence. Ethan says he'll explain to the others about Linda, and they share a tender moment. Supergirl flies off.

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Supergirl goes back underwater and we see Argo City in the distant darkness. I think that must have been the source of my confusion as to Argo's whereabouts as a kid. The credits roll, the theme song plays, and the movie's over.

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Again, I was pleasantly surprised by this film. Much like my experiences with "Lois and Clark" and "Superboy," I expected this to turn out to be absolute crap, but it was actually pretty decent. There are some nasty plot holes, and some things aren't entirely clear, but overall it's a decent flick, and Supergirl is made into a distinct character. At no time does this movie feel like it's just Superman in a skirt, or like the plot is interchangeable with the Man of Steel. It's very much a Supergirl story, and Supergirl has enough whimsy and pluck (though her naivete is frequently overplayed) to carry the film. The film is easily better than either Superman III or IV, and doesn't suffer from the blatant bad ideas of those movies. My biggest complaint is that it sometimes feels like there are ideas that don't get followed through all the way, and points that don't quite get complete closure. At the very least, it's worth a watch, and it's worth the $7.50 I shelled out for it. I'm happy to put Supergirl onto my DVD shelf.