Excerpt from If on a winter's night a monster

[1]

Hello everybodeee! You are about to begin reading the latest book starring your furry pal Grover. It is called If on a winter's night a monster. Relax. Have a cookie. Wait, do not relax! Does that say "a monster"? It does! I am so scared of monsters, and I am not very fond of winter nights either! Close the door! Turn up the heat! Put on some fuzzy slippers! I will not put on fuzzy slippers, but that is because I am already very fuzzy. It is important that you keep warm, because winter nights can be very cold. You should find a comfortable chair, and perhaps you should make a mug of hot cocoa with marshmallows.

Why are we drinking cocoa again? Oh yes, it is because you want to read the newest book starring me, Grover. What is the title of the book again? If on a winter's night a monster?! This book has a monster in it! Maybe it would be best if you did not begin reading the latest book starring your furry pal, Grover. Get up, go for a walk. Be sure to take a coat, because you would not want to get cold. And you should not wear your fuzzy slippers to go walking outside. Make sure you have an adult with you, and that you do not cross the street without looking both ways first. That would be a good way to avoid the scary monster that is in this book. It is also a good way to get exercise, and you should get lots of exercise to stay healthy.

Yes, that would be much better than reading If on a winter's night a monster, which I remind you has a monster in it. Put the book back up on the shelf. Drop it behind the shelf so that no one will accidentally find it. Tape the cover shut, or tie it with rope. Better yet, have an adult help you with some paste or glue, and make sure that no one will ever make the terrible mistake of reading this book and finding the scary monster inside!


I notice that you have not yet stopped reading. Do you realize that there is a monster in this book?! A monster that lurks out in the cold winter night, possibly with sharp teeth and shaggy fur to keep it warm in the snow?! I know I am afraid of monsters, aren't you?

I know, you think that I, Grover, am playing a game with you. You must think we are playing a game of Simon Says. I do not know why you think this, because I am not named Simon, but I, Grover, will play along. Simon (or Grover) says to shut this book, put it away, and never look at it again.

You are not very good at playing Simon Says.

The way that you play Simon Says is that one person says "Simon Says do something" and the other person then has to do it. So let us try again: Simon Says to close this book and tie it up with shoelaces so that no one will ever meet the scary winter night monster in this book!


I am beginning to think that you are not listening to what I am saying. I did not want to have to do this, but now I am begging you: please stop reading! It is getting very dark and cold here and there are no more marshmallows in my hot cocoa and every word you read brings us closer to the winter's night monster that is in this book! And I am very scared of monsters, if you have not heard. I will ask you, one last time, please stop reading! Or at least put the book away until it is not so cold and dark here! I think the monster might be less scary on a summer's afternoon than on a winter's night. So please, listen to your lovable, furry pal Grover, and STOP READING!!!


Boy, if this is how you treat your pals, then I would hate to see how you treat your enemies! We are nearly at the end of this first chapter and I am afraid that the next chapter will have that terrible winter's night monster in it, especially since the title of that next chapter is, in big bold letters, "If on a winter's night a monster." This book certainly likes to repeat itself. I have tried and tried to get you to stop reading, to save us from the very scary monster, but nothing has worked. So I, your furry pal Grover, finally give up. If you are going to force this poor monster to continue reading on this cold winter's night a book where...

Wait! I am a monster! And it is a winter's night! That means that I must be the winter's night monster! Of course! It was all so simple!

And you wanted to stop reading. Well, hurry up, I want to find out what I am going to be doing on this winter's night! I hope I will be getting more marshmallows for my hot cocoa.

---

References: If on a winter's night a traveler by Italo Calvino, The Monster at the End of This Book starring lovable, furry old Grover.

Walking with Superman: Day 102

Anoka, Minnesota calls itself the "Halloween Capital of the World," but they've never seen Halloween havoc in five dimensions before! Mr. Mxyzptlk's trickery has made everyone into what they dressed as, and it's up to Superman to save the town from hordes of ghosts, vampires, and other assorted monsters. It's too bad he was dressed as a simple mild-mannered reporter at the time! Now the fate of Anoka rests in the suddenly superpowered hands of three Kryptonianized kids! Will these grade-schoolers of steel be able to win Mxy's game and set things right? If it means giving up their amazing powers, will they even want to?

Some initial thoughts on Superman: Earth One

I just finished reading "Superman: Earth One" (okay, except the article at the end), and I figured I should get some initial impressions down before they're all gone. Spoilers ahead.

• First, this is basically "Marvel Comics Presents Superman." It's Superman's origin by way of "Smallville" and "Spider-Man," and while that's certainly not a terrible thing, it's also the latest in a long line of fairly pessimistic, dull-toned Superman stories. And more and more, I'm tired of reading those stories.
  
• That being said, this certainly isn't as bad as "Grounded," which was a pleasant surprise. I'd still rather have someone other than Straczynski writing this book. Or another book being written, honestly. "Birthright," which did is still in print, did many of the same things and had the same general tone, while also being a much better introduction to the Superman mythos than this was. Meanwhile, "Superman: Secret Origin" is due out in collected form any day now, and it tells yet another version of this story. If I were working in DC's marketing dept., I'd frankly be a little worried-slash-upset that we were diluting the market like this. Seriously, take a look at the Superman graphic novels that are both accessible and acclaimed, and you'll find that a fairly sizable portion of them ("Birthright," "For All Seasons," etc.) are about his origin story. A story that has been a basic part of the cultural background noise since the '40s. I think DC would be better off focusing on telling accessible new stories about the Man of Steel than treading the most well-worn ground in comic book history one more time.
  
• In that same vein, the new villain is simultaneously a good idea--introducing new ideas, freshening up that well-worn ground--and a bad one. This is one of the problems I had with "Birthright" as well, but Superman shouldn't be the kind of person who needs to be motivated by some sense of revenge or responsibility. Despite the fact that he lost his planet, Superman doesn't need, and generally hasn't really had, a defining tragedy to spur on his superhero career like Batman or Spider-Man. His driving force is and should be that it's the right thing to do. I don't understand why that's a tough concept for people to grasp, or why writers feel like they need to gild it with sci-fi tropes like "I hate seeing people's souls disappear" or "I must avenge my homeworld, and it's my fault that these aliens attacked Earth." Other superheroes take up the tights out of responsibility and vengeance. Superman takes them up because of his strong moral upbringing.
  
• Moreover, the main villain, Tyrell (wow, that's the best alien name you could come up with? I know people named Tyrell), looks a little like "what if the Crow were a Final Fantasy villain." Alternately, "what if the Silver Banshee was a dude from the future." Not the most striking design, though I like the contrast between Clark's colorful outfit and his stark black-and-white.
  
• Speaking of Clark's colorful outfit, it's gotten some minor tweaks. There's some piping on the main suit and around the S-shield, the shield on the cape is now yellow-on-red, and the boots are a different shape. Fairly minor changes, and yet it seems like they didn't quite think it through. There are scenes where we can see Superman's armpit, and yet, we can't see the seam between the two colors that should exist there. The way the piping and the two-tone colors work, there should be a place where the colors separate. This seam could be in three positions: over the arm, possibly along the deltoid, so that most of Superman's sleeves are the darker color that predominates on his sides (both of Superboy's pre-t-shirt costumes do something like this); along the armpit, so that Superman's sleeves are the lighter blue of his torso (like that Cosmic Boy costume, but with fabric instead of naked Braalian); or along the arm, so that the sleeves are also two-toned (like Spider-Man. Do I need to provide an image?). Instead, we get no seam, no indication that any part of the sleeve is a different color than the rest of the middle/upper torso, and a question as to why, if you're going to design a new costume, you wouldn't consider that kind of detail.
  
• Also, the shading on the top is reversed from the shading on the legs, which is a little weird, but I can imagine ways for it to work. It's the briefs breaking things up that makes it look weird; the eye expects the piping to be continuous, so the color swap looks weird.
  
• I suppose I needn't mention my feelings about the nigh-indestructible costume. The same goes for the nigh-indestructible metals--Clark's indestructibility comes from his cells' absorption of yellow sunlight. Where does it come from in acellular metal?
  
• I'm also not thrilled with the way that comics keep pushing the age of Clark's onset-of-powers. Writers, please, people have been realizing (all too occasionally) since the very beginning that a baby with full-on superpowers is not a good idea. Let's stop the creeping development before it gets that far again, thanks.
  
• Not only does Clark need to learn how to use proper SI units (kilograms, Clark, not grams), but his "equation" is, not surprisingly, almost total gibberish. If you carry out the equation as written, going by the order of operations, then the term "1 mol H₂O₂" disappears, which means it's completely unnecessary. That is, of course, assuming it's "H₂O₂," because it's written without subscripts (and strangely, the computers used by the researchers use the same font that Clark writes in). The "ΔH" suggests that Clark's equation is describing a change in enthalpy, the total energy of a system, and that might be useful for researchers trying to get energy out of the system. Unfortunately, the likeliest way to get energy directly out of salt water is going to be to break the atomic bonds (breaking the ionic bonds in salt is already done once it's in the water; breaking the hydrogen bonds holding the water molecules together or breaking the molecular bonds holding the hydrogen to the oxygen both require an input of energy greater than the output), and the equations for that are different.
  
  But it's clear from the fact that 1.00 mol H₂O₂ is about 34.0 g H₂O₂ that Clark just left out some important parentheses. Inserting them where they ought to be in this equation gives us the meaning of what Clark is actually doing: first, converting grams to moles (34.0 g/mol is the conversion factor for hydrogen peroxide) then multiplying by the enthalpy of reaction of the decomposition of hydrogen peroxide (-98.2 kJ/mol), the reaction that spontaneously occurs when hydrogen peroxide is exposed to...well, most things, really. If you've ever used peroxide for anything, you're familiar with the way it bubbles and fizzes; this is because it is unstable and decomposes into water and oxygen quite readily, releasing a small amount of heat in the process (as Clark's equation notes, about -2.89 kJ for every gram of H₂O₂, or about .69 Calories).
  
  What's not clear is why any of that is significant. The amount of energy is miniscule, the equation is pedestrian, and none of it has anything to do with salt water, which is what the researchers were supposedly working on. "Give this man a job, he just told us that hydrogen peroxide fizzes!" This is one place where the writer, artist, letterer, whoever's to blame should have gone with a less-is-more strategy. Don't show us the revolutionary equation, because then you have to come up with a revolutionary equation.
  
• I'll leave aside the idea that an electron microscope can image normal atoms, that such an image would show atoms as spheres connected to each other by rods, and that you could write on electrons. It's comic book science, I know, and it'd be almost clever if it weren't so not-even-wrong.
  
• Similarly, when reading Perry's speech to Lois, my first thought was "hey, Perry actually sounds like an editor here." My second thought was, "actually, he sounds like someone read about editing somewhere." Much like the science thing, what's meant to sound kind of profound and insightful is really kind of bog-standard. "Use active language" is the kind of thing that every editor already knows; it's the kind of thing that any reporter should already know. And so the speeches Perry makes in his first scene read not so much like the words of a seasoned editor, but the words of someone who's just started out editing and has learned all these things in school, and is meeting his team for the first time. These are the conversations that I had with my writers when I edited my college newspaper; these are not the kind of conversations I would expect an experienced editor to have with professional reporters. "So you don't think a reporter should give her opinion of the story she's covering?" Really, Lois? Is this your first day in the News section too?
  
• The dialogue in general is kind of problematic, really. The characters all kind of sound the same, making the same kinds of quotes and references, and that's to be expected to some degree in any work by a single writer. But these are characters who all have fairly well-established voices, and I didn't really feel like we got much of that at all.
  
• Moreover, and this is a problem carrying over from "Grounded," too many characters seem to exist primarily so other characters can bounce speeches off of them. In that first scene with Perry, that's the only purpose served by Lois. In the two later scenes with the scientist, he's only there so that Clark can smugly moralize at him. Too much of the story is geared toward setting up particular speeches, and that's kind of a serious problem. It shows that Straczynski wasn't following the advice he had Perry give to Lois: "You fell in love with the words and put yourself too far into the story. Write about what you're writing about, not about you writing about what you're writing about."
  
• Speaking of writing advice:
  how exactly do you bury the lede in the headline? Way to fall asleep on the job, Perry. In fact, now that I'm looking at the interview, the paper looks a bit amateurish. Fix the justification, guys. There's also way, way too much of Clark in that article. It all seems a bit...self-indulgent. Superman should never seem self-indulgent.
  
• I actually like the idea of Clark trying out using his powers for personal/familial gain. I would have been more happy to see some more moral development here--a note about fairness, at least with respect to football--but I think it was generally a fairly reasonable and well-played set of scenes--the terrible science aside. That being said, though it touches on the issue, it really doesn't answer the question Straczynski posed at the beginning of "Grounded"--if Superman has the power to do things like, say, tell scientists what everyone already knows about peroxide how to get energy from salt water, then why doesn't he put his powers toward ending hunger or the energy crisis or cancer or whatever? The answer here seems to be "he doesn't really want to, and his mom said that he doesn't have to," which I suspect would be small comfort for that lady in the "Grounded" prologue.
  
• Jimmy Olsen was pretty awesome in this, I have to admit.
  
• Um, yeah, so...Superman sure killed a lot of aliens in this.

And aside from that last point, I don't think "Earth One" is terrible. It's not the kind of Superman origin I like seeing, but I guess for anyone who's coming to the character through, say, "Smallville," it fits that tone and style fairly well. Clark even looks like Tom Welling at a lot of points, and I don't think that's an accident. There are some barely-patched-over holes (the justification for the S-shield is particularly weak) in the story, and I think I've done a pretty thorough picking of certain frustrating nits, but it's not as awful as I expected it to be based on "Grounded."

That being said, I'm glad I didn't pay $20 for it. It actually makes me want to revisit "Birthright," which boggles my mind a bit. It also makes me wish that someone, anyone, would take a page from the John Byrne book and write a Superman origin that was upbeat. I guess "Secret Origin" has a lot of smiling in it, but it's still not as brightly-colored and brightly-toned as "Man of Steel" all those years ago.

Walking with Superman: Day 101

The Master Jailer and Lock-Up have turned Alcatraz into the world's finest prison for the World's Finest team! Batman and Superman are trapped inside, along with dozens of their most dangerous enemies, and they're all determined to ensure that the only way out is in pieces! Even with all their powers, all their cunning, all their skill and experience, escaping this lethal super-prison is going to take a Miracle. It's a good thing that he's already on his way! Shiloh Norman guest stars in this supermax-sized prison break spectacular!

Walking with Superman: Day 100

Today, The Fortress of Soliloquy brings you an exclusive three-page script preview of the milestone Walking with Superman #100! Check it out below the fold!


PAGE 1
PANEL ONE: Wide shot. Superman is standing atop one of the supports of the Bay Bridge, watching the sun sinking slowly toward the horizon through the San Francisco skyline. His back is to us, his cape is swaying slowly in the breeze.

1 CAP: San Francisco, CA.

2 CAP (SUPERMAN): What a beautiful city.

PANEL TWO: Closer on Superman's face. He's smiling.

3 CAP: I take it all in.

PANEL THREE: Split into many small panels, each showing some San Francisco locale or random resident or object, snippets of the things Superman is experiencing.

4 CAP: The people,

DIALOGUE (Unattached bubbles): I'll have the mahi-mahi.

SFX: Aurk aurk! (sea lion noise)

5 CAP: the sights,

DIALOGUE: Lombard and Laguna, thanks.

6 CAP: the smells,

DIALOGUE: DNA tonight?

SFX: Ding! Ding!

7 CAP: the sounds...

DIALOGUE: Over by Pier 39.

SFX: Thum-thump

PANEL FOUR: Close on Superman, looking surprised.

8 CAP: I hear it before I see him, of course. That's the way he is.

PANEL FIVE: Superman takes off toward the skyscraper at 201 Mission St.

9 CAP: Jimmy has his signal watch.

10 CAP: Lois calls my name.

11 CAP: J'onn has that telepathic link.

12 CAP: But when he needs to contact me...

PANEL SIX: Superman lands on the ledge, where Batman is perched, looking down at the city.

13 CAP: He just turns off the gadget that masks his heartbeat.

14 BATMAN: Took you long enough.


15 SUPERMAN: It's not exactly a spotlight, you know. I assume you're not here on vacation.

PAGE TWO

PANEL ONE: Batman holds out a small holographic projector, which displays dossier images of Carl Draper, Checkmate Pawn and former supervillain.

1 BATMAN: Checkmate security chief Carl Draper, aka "Deathtrap," and "Locksmith."

2 SUPERMAN: We've met.

3 BATMAN: Twenty-five days ago, he disappeared from his apartment.

PANEL TWO: Wide shot from behind Batman's shoulder. His holographic projector is now displaying a wide set of images of various Superman and Batman villains. Superman looks on from the other side of the translucent panorama, arms crossed over his chest.

4 BATMAN: Since then, there have been over two dozen similar disappearances.

5 BATMAN: Killer Croc, abducted during prison transfer.

6 BATMAN: Riot, vanished from his cell at Stryker's.

7 BATMAN: Bloodsport, never made it to arraignment.

8 BATMAN: Firefly, The Riddler, Parasite, Metallo.

9 SUPERMAN: And so on.

PANEL THREE: The hologram flips to an image of the Film Freak, tied up on the steps of the Gotham City Police Department building. He is unconscious and dressed in a gray jumpsuit.

10 BATMAN: This morning, the Film Freak was dumped on the steps of the Gotham City Police Department, dressed in a gray prison uniform. His identification listed the name Robert Stroud.

11 SUPERMAN: The birdman of Alcatraz?

PANEL FOUR: Batman looks Superman in the eye, and points at him in a somewhat accusatory fashion. Superman is skeptical.

12 BATMAN: On the day that you arrive in San Francisco. Not a coincidence.

13 SUPERMAN: And you think Draper is behind the disappearances? He's reformed.

14 BATMAN: If you call working for Checkmate reformed.

PANEL FIVE: Batman produces a small baggie of prescription pills from his utility belt.

15 BATMAN: Draper's rehabilitation involves a cocktail of strong anti-psychotics. I tested his most recent prescription refill. Placebos.

PANEL SIX:

16 SUPERMAN: This still doesn't seem like Draper's style. Where's the challenge in trapping prisoners?

17 BATMAN: I don't like it either. There are too many missing pieces.

PAGE THREE

PANEL ONE: Batman pockets his evidence, while Superman watches the sun setting over the ocean.

1 SUPERMAN: So I suppose this means we're breaking into Alcatraz?

2 BATMAN: I don't see another option.

PANEL TWO: Superman turns back toward Batman. Superman is wary, Batman is almost eager, having pulled out his grappling hook.

3 SUPERMAN: And you realize that this is a colossal trap.

4 BATMAN: Of course.

PANEL THREE: Close on Superman's face, with an expression of staunch determination.

5 SUPERMAN: All right, then. Let's go.

PANEL FOUR: Large panel. Superman flies and Batman swings north across the city, toward Alcatraz Island, as night falls over the west coast.

---

WALKING WITH SUPERMAN #100
Script by TOM FOSS
Someone's been kidnapping the enemies of the World's Finest team, and all signs point to Alcatraz! Superman and Batman are breaking into the Rock, but what sinister secrets await them inside? It's wall-to-wall action in this landmark hundredth installment!
On sale OCTOBER 29 • 64 pg, FC, $3.99 US

Walking with Superman: Day 99

Superman comes to Dudleytown, Connecticut, which stood for a hundred years as a small Appalachian village, but has long since been reclaimed by the forest. The area has long had a reputation for being haunted, and while accusations of vandalism have led to the area being closed to visitors, determined ghost hunters and other paranormal enthusiasts have always managed to find a way past the authorities. Recently, though, they've been returning not with EVP tapes and low-light video, but with persistent hallucinations, dissociative states, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Something in those woods is scaring people out of their minds, and Superman aims to find out what. But he'll soon find that the ghosts aren't the most dangerous things haunting this forest, and the terrifying tag-team of Scarecrow and Phobia will discover what scares a Superman!

Walking with Superman: Day 98

The zombies have come to Baton Rouge, and while Doctor Mid-Nite was infected before he could complete a cure, his research has allowed Superman and the JSA to trace the zombies back to their source--Solomon Grundy! But this time, the shambling scion of Slaughter Swamp is just a victim, a chalk-white pawn in someone else's menacing machinations. Grundy's body has been examined and dissected both physically and magically, his unique tissues and microbes and energies used to engineer the zombie regiments. Now the mastermind stands revealed as the Brotherhood of Evil's horrible Houngan, and he's got a united zombie army at his command! Will this be the last stand of Superman and the Justice Society?

Walking with Superman: Day 97

Superman and Dr. Mid-Nite already have their hands full with two different zombie invasions of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, so imagine their surprise and frustration when decaying corpses begin rising from their graves all around the city! Superman scrambles to contain the walking dead, the living dead, and the infected, while Dr. Mid-Nite works on cures for those who might still be saved. Just after he discovers how the infection and the chemicals are related, one of his patients infects him with the rage-plague. His last lucid act is to call in reinforcements from the Justice Society, while Superman finds himself in over his head with three plagues of zombies! The cavalry is on its way, but will they arrive in time? And will they be strong enough to stop the horde?