So, who's the Seventh Legionnaire?

Hey kids, Spoilers!
We know Star Boy/Starman and Karate Kid for sure. We saw Dream Girl an issue ago. If you know your Interlac, then you recognized that what Starman said to Karate Kid was "Lightning Lad."

By the way: recognizing and being able to read Interlac may represent a new achievement in geekiness for me. Even scarier, it may not.

That's four. The "white angel" is almost certainly Dawnstar, who we've seen at least once at this point, and the howling "wolf" is probably Timber Wolf. That leaves one more. Who do you think it is?

My money's on Shrinking Violet, based on Starman's "itsy bitsy" comment. Then again, that "C-sharp" comment keeps sticking out to me. I know it's attributed to Dawnstar, but could it be a reference to Tyroc?

Actually, no, it's probably Vi. What a strange team. Thoughts?

So, yeah...

World War III kind of sucked.

Spoilers ahead.

I mean, it was all over the place. First, 52 #50 was fairly decent (albeit haphazard), but then it went and stole its ending from a Futurama episode. And what was Black Adam's motivation? I mean, I thought they were getting somewhere with Atom Smasher saying that it was actually Death who killed everyone in Bialya, but then Adam kind of ruins that case by throwing a global hissyfit. Yes, we realize you got tortured and betrayed and you're upset. What the hell does Pisa, Italy have to do with it?

And then there's the specials, which were doubly unnecessary. Not only did we not need them to understand the War (and in many cases, I understood it better before I read them), but their entire purpose was to answer questions, about half of which no one was answering. And even then, they fouled it up left and right. I could totally accept that Supergirl got emo-fied by passing through suffering-wracked Martian Manhunter, but he said he sensed her turmoil (or something) before she touched him. Why have Kid Frankenstein die, when he's already made of dead body parts? Didn't the elder Frank lose a limb or two in his miniseries without ill effects? Why raise Sub Diego? I haven't read the latest Aquaman issues, but I thought the city was coming back into play (besides being a downright neat idea). We already had an explanation for why Batgirl went nutso, why have Slade approach her? Is there a reason that we can't just assume he was controlling her from the start? Did we really need two "Adam fights the Titans and kills one" scenes? Couldn't there have been some back-and-forth about how they were friends with Osiris, how they lost him too? Or maybe BA could have torn through some other team, rather than the Titans? Was anyone honestly asking "whatever happened to Terra II, who actually turned out to be a genetic match for the regular Terra but GeoForce didn't tell her and I don't think they ever picked up that plot point again"? Because, you know, I might have cared a little more if this hadn't been, like, her first appearance in years. Did J'onn really need to out himself to his co-workers? Was he really in such an existential crisis that "saving lives" was a tough choice? Isn't King Faraday's hair supposed to be white with a black streak? And if not, why not? Because it looks much more interesting that way. If J'onn's pain and suffering were so great before, why was he so affected by Adam's? After all this, after his big sweeping epiphany that humans are both good and bad, why does J'onn end up Mr. "I hate everyone and I'm sooooo deep" OYL? And I swear, the artistic mistakes and continuity errors were all over. At the very least, they should have been clear on who all was holding on to BA when Captain Marvel brought the lightning down on 'im.

And after all that, isn't this the week that Animal Man saw a few weeks back? Why foreshadow a specific event in a specific week if you're not going to address it?

So, yeah. I've been with 52 pretty much the whole way. There have been lulls, but never a misstep quite this bad. And so close to the end, too. Ah well, next week looks like oodles of T.O. Morrow. Booster Gold, and Rip Hunter, and it's hard to go wrong with that.

Has Black Canary been drinking Gingold?

The idea of a Black Canary miniseries intrigues me. I like that it seems like it'll be examining the whys and wherefores of a character giving up her high-stress, high-priority position on the Birds of Prey in order to take care of an adopted daughter, only to be suddenly caught up in a marriage proposal and a leadership spot on the JLA.

This image, however, bodes ill. I mean, honestly. All other anatomical problems aside, I should not be able to see ass-crack and both breasts in the same image. This looks like the solicitation for "Black Canary: Spinal Crisis" with M.C. Escher on pencils.

Bad idea!

No, I'm not talking about Penance or organic web-shooters again.

I was skimming over yesterday's post, when I got an idea for a story. A Fantastic Four/Spider-Man team-up story, in fact. See, the amazing wingless Wizard has reformed, and has decided to put his anti-gravity technology to good use. In addition to selling the technology to a variety of civilian and military installations, he has united the tech with unstable molecules to create a new generation of high-tech fabrics, which he specifically designs for use by the superhero and law enforcement communities. But it's when he releases the space-age fabric to civilians as his own clothing line that his career really takes off. Athletes everywhere are buying Wittman brand shoes, athletic supporters, and bras. "When it comes to quality, nothing's higher than Wittman's." "This Valentine's Day, skip the Whitman's Sampler. Let her sample some Wittman's."

Months pass, and it seems like everyone in New York is wearing Wittman's clothes. The Wizard has become an overnight success. That is, of course, until legions of superheroes, law enforcement officials, military craft, athletes, and well-supported women start storming the Baxter Building. The Wizard has teamed up with (insert Marvel villain with mind-control technology here) in a mad bid to destroy his enemies and take over the world! Now, Ben Grimm, Reed Richards, and Spider-Man must hold their own against every trendsetter in New York City, including their own allies and family members who have been dominated by the Wizard's mind-controlling gravity-defying fashions!

Actually, now that I type all that, it doesn't sound so bad...

"Anything bigger than a handful, you're risking a sprained thumb"

My last post and the recent Draw Power Girl thing got me thinking. There's been some talk, both over that awful Michael Turner JLA cover and over at Project Rooftop about the plausibility of Power Girl's outfits and their ability to support her large breasts.

Now, I like that PG is well-endowed. I think we ought to have women of all shapes and sizes, including large-breasted ones, in comics. I just wish there were more women of other shapes and sizes, y'know? But I like that PG is large, and I think she ought to be generally large: large-breasted, muscular without being masculine, tall (but not necessarily Big Barda tall), etc. And I think there should be a bit more thought put into costuming in general. Sure, we can suspend our disbelief when it comes to where Clark Kent keeps his boots and that sort of thing, and we can all accept that comic book fabrics don't quite behave like real world ones, but there's a limit. Costumes like the new Star Sapphire's? Yeah, they can't even see the limit anymore. Some thought should be given to basic things like "would this costume support the character's various outcroppings?" and "is this effective in battle?" and "should we really be able to tell whether she's an innie or an outie?" and "gosh, wouldn't that be horrendously uncomfortable?"

Horrendous discomfort is somewhat subjective; after all, someone with bulletproof skin might not mind a permanent wedgie. And I'll totally accept the "lack of support" complaints with regard to characters like Knockout and Vampirella and Catwoman and many, many others.

But Power Girl? Power Girl can fly. She can, quite literally, defy gravity. If her powers work anything like what's described in Wolverton's The Science of Superman (graviton manipulation/production) or even in Byrne's Man of Steel (telekinetic aura), then there's no real reason she'd need a bra. Now, this may cause some unintended consequences if she's knocked unconscious or somehow loses her powers, in which case extra support may be warranted, but in general she just has to expend a little bit of energy and she can go a step farther than the Invisibra.

So, just keep in mind when you're thinking about gravity and the realities of superhero costuming that there are some lucky characters for whom gravity isn't a concern.

Hey Jealousy

I guess there's some consternation around the Interblag about Lois Lane's apparent jealousy in the latest issue of Superman. The issue basically follows the plot of every Maxima story ever, with a vampiric little twist, and Wonder Woman guest-starring. It's very Silver Age, with a more modern moral and some creepy implications, and I think that sensibility is creeping into how some folks are interpreting Lois in this issue.

Here's the story in a nutshell: Khyrana was a beautiful Greek woman who rebuked all would-be suitors, preferring solitude. Unfortunately for her, she spurned Zeus. If there's one thing Greek deities hate, it's spurnage, so the sexually-frustrated god-king doled out a classic ironic punishment. For refusing to give consent to a god who was never one to seek it, she would forever crave the touch of humans, especially men, and would need it to survive. So, she becomes a kind of succubus, draining men's life-energy so she can stay alive (though apparently she also can't die). After some plot-wrangling to get Clark, Lois, and Wonder Woman into the same room, Khyrana comes into contact with Superman and kidnaps him. Diana and Lois realize what's up, and naturally they go to rescue Superman. Diana and Clark beat Khyrana (in a moment taken straight out of a She-Ra episode), and Lois shows up with the cops.

Anyway, as you might expect from such a Silver Age plot, there's quite a bit of opportunity for Lois to jibe Clark about Wonder Woman's perfect body. This hasn't (to my knowledge) become a major issue in the comics blogohedron, but I noticed that a couple of people thought Lois was portrayed as uncharacteristically jealous. Me, I saw a secure woman who knew how to put the planet's most powerful man on the defensive. Lois's comments, like "Hmm. Maybe I shouldn't be wild about you attending so many Justice League meetings. You and her together, a secluded cave...," sounded to me like good-natured, playful ribbing between lovers. Heck, she follows that particular quotation up with "Ha! You're so easy, Smallville." She's just trying to get a rise out of him. The way she shifts between joking about Wonder Woman's "spangly trunks" to teaming up with her, without missing a beat or showing any distrust or animosity, further speaks not only to the fact that the "jealousy" is a joke, but to the fact that she doesn't see Diana as a threat to her relationship.

Incidentally, she doesn't seem to see Khyrana as a threat to her relationship either, just a threat to Clark's health and well-being.

But even if the jealousy were genuine, would it be such a bad thing? Why wouldn't Lois occasionally feel inadequate for the Man of Steel?

We occasionally hear about this on the other side; the Donner cut of "Superman II" deals with it explicitly (I can't remember if the Lester version does or not), and I'm pretty sure it was covered in the Rick Veitch "Swamp Thing" issue with Superman; hell, even the Spin Doctors' "Jimmy Olsen's Blues" touches on it. The argument goes like this: doesn't the presence of Superman make normal men (with Clark Kent usually acting as a stand-in) feel less adequate? Don't they get something like "power envy"? After all, here is the perfect male specimen, wrapped up in a red cape. How can mild-mannered Clark Kent compete with that? Aren't all women Holding Out for a Hero? Once you've been with Superman, everything else pales in comparison.

Heck, this is basically the modern justification for why Lex Luthor hates Superman.

So why shouldn't we get it on the other side? You've got these impossibly perfect women flitting about the DCU in swimsuits (or less), defying gravity in every possible way, why wouldn't "normal" women feel the same anxiety, the same insecurities? Over in "Bulleteer," we not only saw superheroines fetishized, but we saw the lengths to which some people will go to live out their fantasies. In the real world, people protest the unreasonable physical standard set by supermodels and movie stars and comic book superheroines, why wouldn't people in the DCU feel the same?

You know, I'm a normal guy, and I'm dating a normal girl in a world filled with normal people. We've been together a bit over five years now, and I still think I'm the luckiest guy on the planet. Of course, the flipside of that is that sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm not worthy of such luck. And I know sometimes she feels the same way, and sometimes we each get a little insecure, a little jealous when we meet each other's friends of the opposite gender. It's not a feminine thing, it's a relationship thing.

Take heed, Joe Quesada: This type of story not only should be told, but it's one of those running subplots that only works when the characters are in a committed relationship. The panel above is from one of my favorite (though oft-maligned) stories of the early 2000s, where Superman and Diana were taken to Asgard by Thor, to fight off the demon hordes. And though they fought for a thousand years (by their reckoning), Superman never compromised his vow against killing, and he never succumbed to the temptation of choosing Diana while Lois was long gone. Meanwhile, Lois is left in Metropolis to deal with her own insecurities at having her husband stolen from bed by an Amazon (and a subplot involving Lex Luthor, but that's neither here nor there). It's not that she feels actively threatened by Diana, it's not that she doesn't trust Clark, it's that we all have a tendency to judge ourselves in comparison to others, to suffer from insecurities, especially with regard to a relationship. Writers who understand relationships, who understand the new and myriad problems that come with a committed relationship or a marriage, do well with this basic fact of life.

Did you hear that, Joe? Married people have unique problems, ones that are at least as interesting as your latest love triangle.

And of course, such insecurities are bolstered by the problems presented in superhero stories. How many comic fans (and writers) think that Clark should be with Diana? The number ain't small; in-continuity, it's been made explicit that some people just kind of assume they belong together. Who in the DCU, not knowing Superman's dual identity, would think that he'd get married to a normal woman?

And on the other side of things, how often do we see people wondering aloud what Lois Lane could possibly see in nebbish Clark Kent? It's not something we see much post-Crisis (though I think Perry said something to that effect in the first Johns/Donner issue), but there's a social disequilibrium between Clark and Lois, not just Lois and Superman. Both would be generally perceived to be dating out of their league.

And so I like seeing stories where the main conflict is not necessarily a physical one, but a psychological one, where the only "villain" is self-doubt. Granted, that doesn't really describe Busiek's latest Superman issue; the insecurity there was mainly Lois's way of pushing Clark's buttons. But take the Action Comics issue in Asgard, where the giant demon battles take a backseat to showing just how committed Clark is, not only to the mission, not only to his friends, but to his moral values and his wife, that he would remain faithful for a thousand years in another world. And it shows that Lois isn't the tough-as-nails ball-busting bitch that she's sometimes portrayed as, but a human being with real feelings and issues of her own. And in the end, it shows that amor vincit omnia--"love conquers all."

In his 130th Sonnet, William Shakespeare says "I grant I never saw a goddess go; / My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground." But Superman has seen goddesses go, and alien princesses, and superheroines of every stripe. If we, or Superman, chose relationships based on power level or physical perfection, then he'd have settled down with Big Barda or Maxima or Wonder Woman decades ago. But relationships aren't just about which two people have the most in common, they're about who you connect with, who you love.

So, I think I know what Clark might say, were he writing that sonnet's final couplet:

And yet, by Rao, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

So much for the World's Greatest Detective

He can't even see what's right in front of his face.It's okay, Bruce, I can't get them to work either.

(From Random Panels.)

The Triumphant Return!

And, like Spider-Man, the status quo is restored in the next installment. Long-time readers might have noticed my reference to last year's April Fool's spectacle, Comix Are Suxxors. Incidentally, if I'd had more time and more ideas, I was going to resurrect the Suxxors page, but the only article I had was "Spartans R Totally STR8!!!" Between that and the "giving up comics forever" stuff, I thought I made it a clear-but-not-too-obvious joke. Honestly, if I were going to give up blogging, I'd wait until after April 1st to do it.

And I'll never give up comics. Comics will give up comics before I do.

Sadly, though, most of the post was absolutely true. I have fallen behind in just about everything, the floppies and trades are piling up next to my desk, I have been procrastinating when it comes to the blog, and I do feel bad about breaking all the various promises and recurring features I've made over the months. But I'm not going to give up, I'm just going to redouble my efforts, hit 'em hard and fast, but...but you're dead!

Sorry, got caught up in my comic book clichés there.

And comics now are anything but suxxors. Yeah, I'm getting a little tired of the blood and gore in 52, and mainstream Marvel is pretty much dead to me, but there's so much to love, too. Just in terms of series, how can I leave comics when Superman and Action are better than ever, when I'm actually regularly buying Batman and Detective, when Immortal Iron Fist even exists, when Birds of Prey is featuring the Secret Six and undoing one of the Justice League's greatest injustices? Comics are good, just as they should be.

Which isn't to say that things are going to get any more regular around here. I still have a bunch of posts planned, and I still want to finish the increasingly late Black Comics Month, but my schoolwork is really eating my time. I've got a few things on the burner, and I'll keep stirring and poking at them when I have the time, but it looks like it's going to be pretty sparse here until June.

That being said, I do have some things to say about General Zod, Stan Lee, and the idiocy behind the Avengers' first meeting, among...well, the usual. I've never run out of things to say, and not having a reason has never stopped me before.